Ah bipolar, how many guises do you come in? The manic, with its highs, fast talking, fast walking, ideas upon new ideas, boundless energy;  and the depressed, no new ideas, no energy, crying, suicidal ideation, yes we know those. The mixed phases, a mixture of both mania and depression with increased anxiety; even those ones we can recognize after a while. The incredibly anxious one, with panic in our breasts, hot peppers in our chests, pathetic crying spells, tears, copious tears streaming down our faces, not wanting to go out, obsessed with one thought, that something bad is going to happen to our loved ones, something so bad that we will not be able to handle it, terrified for our loved ones, anxious, out of our minds, now this is a new one, at least for me. The answer to this riddle? Trying an increase of 12.5 mg Seroquel. Cut a 50 mg pill into quarters, lets see if this will squash the anxiety without putting me to sleep, although at this point, being put to sleep sounds good to me haha. Just took it, so far, a little dizzy, but not sleepy. If this doesn’t work, I’ll increase to 25 mg, and if that doesn’t work, I will call my psychiatrist. Although most of his suggestions are no good for me… Maybe I’ll try meditation, maybe that will help… I’m sure exercise will help…

Actually anxiety seems to have subsided a little, Although muscle weakness has increased 😦 If I hadn’t been raised to speak without profanity, I think I would be swearing right now. Yes I would.

I would probably give my right arm to be rid of this torturous disease…