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Forgiveness

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This is a post about forgiveness and how forgiving can contribute to your mental health.

Even if you have been through hell, and someone has committed an egregious act against you, forgiving this person is in your best interest. Let me explain.

Of course, you are upset, angry, maybe even rageful that a person has done x, y, z to you, or your loved ones. Yes our first reaction is probably anger. That’s normal. Perhaps you want revenge, that too is normal. You may even dislike, or hate this person. Even that is normal.

But, when days, months, maybe even years go by, and this hatred and anger, and negative emotions in you continue, then who do you think this is harming? I have news for you: this is harming YOU, not the person you hate. Hatred and anger, and fantasies of revenge cause stress hormones in your body and mind to surge, these harm your body and mind. They do nothing to the person you hate.

So, you don’t have to like this person, you don’t have to have anything to do with them, but forgive them. For your own sake. So you can get over the upheaval of feeling hate, anger, and revenge against them. This gives you your peace of mind back, you are then, not controlled by your emotions against this person. You are free and can be at peace. Your stress hormone levels are low, and your mind and body are not being assaulted by them.

Forgiveness, for your own sake.

PS

There are many reasons you might come up with to not do this. You can say “Oh I can’t do this, the crime against me was too heinous!” Or you may say you are too angry, you cannot let go of it, that person doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Fine everything you say is valid. But just let go of all your reasons to stay angry and harming yourself, let go and for your own sake, forgive them.

6 thoughts on “Forgiveness”

  1. I appreciate what you are saying here. Some people are actually able to do this. There are people who have done such damaging things that they don’t deserve to be forgiven. But we can leave them to their own destruction, and go on with our own healing. I tried for decades to forgive my mother, and it was only after I discovered that I don’t have to forgive her, that she is indeed the source of my pain and suffering, that I began to grow into myself. I no longer torment myself about why I can’t be “big enough” to forgive her. Instead I acknowledge that she is a heinous sorry excuse for a human being, and therefore I can leave her in her own filth and go on to live a full, happy life, accepting the holes in my emotional self that she burned into me with her ugly words and behaviors. Let her burn in her own fantasy, I’m out of there and into a new and healthier life. And I’m allowed to hate her, because she irreparably damaged me. But she doesn’t get to hold me by the short hairs. Not anymore. I don’t think that’s forgiveness, but it is liberation, and I’m a much happier person for it!

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    • Well you’re outa there! I like that and applaud you for it. I hated, despised, and could not stand my mother for the severe physical (picture bloody lips, black eyes, black and blue body) and of course emotional child abuse she inflicted on me, so I know where you’re coming from dear Laura. But when she got older, she changed, she was not the same violent, angry person she was when I was young. I know she loved me, and I finally forgave her in my late thirties and was able to have a good relationship with her for many years before she passed away in 2005. I am very glad I could forgive her and have a positive relationship with her. That’s my story. And I really, really do respect you and your story. xxxooo

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      • Wow, that’s so wonderful that she was able to change. If my mother repented and changed, I’d forgive her too. But unfortunately she is a Narcissist, and she still blames me for whatever I did, and believes she did nothing wrong and if she punished me, it was my fault for provoking her with my bad behavior. So I let her go, call her once a month to keep her happy, and I don’t concern myself about her. She is a local hero, has tons of friends, and I will make a nice party when she goes. Finished!šŸ˜‰

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      • Oh my god! That sounds SOOOOO familiar, for a long time my mother, who incidentally was a narcissist as well, blamed me for her having to flay the skin off me when I was 3 years old!!! But later in her life, she realized what she had done was wrong, I made her apologize to me, hahaha, and she did! I guess I’m lucky that she did change and I could forgive her. But really what I am saying in the post is that forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not because the other person deserves it, but because you don’t need the toxic chemical soup of anger, hatred and bitterness. But you know how to handle your situation best, so you have to do what is right for you. šŸ™‚

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  2. Hi Bipolar1,
    great post.
    To forgive someone doesn’t mean you condone what they did or that you even want to see them again, to forgive means you are a peace within yourself.
    I’m so glad you have found peace with your relationship with your mum.
    Emma.

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