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You Fight the Demons aka Samina the Brave

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You fight the demons of the mind, the demons of the flesh

Daily, every morning, you wake up in a nightmare… burning, jagged, screaming, hellish thoughts

Daily, every morning, you take a deep breath, gulp in air

You douse the flames with the sweet spring water of your tears, you smooth the sharp edges of boulders with emery boards, your thudding heart drowns out the cacophony of fear

You ask the earth to go back into the path it orbited last night, you ask the world for some peace and quiet, just a tiny bit from its stores, do they still exist?

Every day, this is how it is, everyday, the nightmares seem more real than my comforter, my sheets, which I want to engulf me and hide and be nevermore

By the time the afternoon comes, the wraiths, the ghosts, the demons have evaporated

I am allowed half a normal day, by the time night time arrives, I am fully back to myself again, no fears, no horrors, just me, smiling and laughing

I look back at the day and wonder what was all that? But it happens again the next morning

They call it anxiety. Why every morning? How to explain this to anyone?

Some days I am lucky, oh so lucky, and the battalion of doom doesn’t turn up at my door

Those are the days I live for, aaaah the normal days, just the days without fear, doubt, misgivings, just peaceful days, quiet days, just days

Bravery? Yes, I have more strength than I ever thought I possessed. Unfair, yes, but who has time for the measuring, the weighing, the quantifying whose life is fair and whose is not

So just call me Samina the Brave and we can move on haircut

13 thoughts on “You Fight the Demons aka Samina the Brave”

  3. “Those are the days I live for, aaaah the normal days, just the days without fear, doubt, misgivings, just peaceful days, quiet days, just days.”

    Unfortunately I used to live for those days but I know very well by having gone through this so many times that those days for me are not like they used to be , becuase I know that the next day will be back to hell. My wife has lost hope, also, having seen this happen so many times. And for that I am so guilty . The burden, the pain, the fire in the brain. What did we do? Why . We were born innocent. And I feel the guilt of the world on my shoulders for the hurt and pain I have brought to my wife and son. What did they do to deserve this. We are in prison alone.

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    • 😥😥 It’s basically anxiety, haha yeah, nothing basic about it, but we somehow have to get under control. Must talk to my doctor soon. I think anti anxiety meds may be the way to go. The change of seasons always makes things worse. I wish you the best of luck in your good fight. Don’t give up.

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  5. It feels like you went into my mind (good luck finding your way through the wreckage though) and plucked out all of the feelings that grip me before I fall asleep and shake me out of bed in the morning. I’m sorry this is life (for both of us). Your writing is brilliant.

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  6. Dear Sandra, I feel for you as I know how you feel 😦 I hope better days are in store for us both! Thank you so much for reading, commenting and complimenting! I really appreciate it! If you get a chance, read the funny post I just posted, it’s from Healthline and humor/laughter helps lift us out of the intensity in which we constantly live. Here’s the link: https://bipolar1blog.wordpress.com/2015/11/11/25-things-only-someone-with-bipolar-disorder-would-understand/
    Hugs for you.

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