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Another Beautiful Life Extinguished

My friend Blahpolar at https://theblahpolar.wordpress.com/  is gone. She had unremitting depression, she tried everything even ECT, but nothing worked. She fought against this god awful illness bravely and courageously. Like a real warrior. I thought she was coming out of it when she started commenting on my posts again in her witty and intelligent way. But no, she took her own life because she couldn’t stand the pain of this unrelenting depression. Her name was Ulla. Ulla, I will miss you. I will miss your intelligence and your razor sharp wit. I will miss you being in this world. I wish I could have done something to help. Damn this fucking illness. Damn this disease that makes it impossible to live. Another one of us gone, another one couldn’t handle the damnable pain that this devilish disease inflicts upon us. I am devastated. I don’t know quite what to do. Cry? What’s that going to do? Wail? Bring her back? If only! For anyone who thinks this is not a serious illness, this illustrates just how deadly serious it can be. Oh god, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. Not suicide, no, not that ever. But what am I going to do? How do you cope with this over and over again?

Let me tell you one thing, I just wish I’d never heard of this infernal disease, not ever.

May you rest in peace now, my dear friend Blahpolar aka Ulla.

13 thoughts on “Another Beautiful Life Extinguished”

  3. I did not know Ulla, but I see that she was beloved, as are you, in so many ways. I am so sorry for your loss. I see that you are suffering and my heart reaches out to you. I am here for you, my friend. Sending you all Love and Light – to give you peace that surpasses all understanding. 💕🌀🌈🌷🎈

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  5. It’s taken me months to get back to where I could tiptoe through more posts and comment threads about our friend. I’ve been on the underside of the fucking wave since we lost Ulla, doubting the efficacy of the medication because I still felt depressed, but knowing I should feel the way I feel because that’s a normal response to tragedy.

    She has done something that we might have thought impossible, but it was her gift to us: She brought people who basically need to vent and be loved and supported and want to be left alone, together into a supportive, encouraging community, worldwide. She did it by being herself. She was real and beautiful and funny and sad and snarky and smart and flirtatious and sweet and encouraging and mostly, loving. What’s not to love? And she brought us even closer together by leaving us behind, although it sucks that she left. I hope no more of our community leaves that way again and I wish Ulla had found a working therapy.

    Thank you for posting. The flower is lovely, and your tributes, and you, are too.~Deon

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    • I am so sorry for your loss, and for all of our loss with Ulla’s departure. I couldn’t believe it when I read that she was gone, my mind just rebelled against it and refused to believe. Everything you say about her is so beautiful and so true! I made an instant connection with her which even her disgusting depression can’t take away! Curse depression, that it took her away from us. I send you many, many hugs.

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