Having trouble, friends! My sweet, fallen brother’s birthday, the mass shooting, and the very worst for me: awful worries about my son, perhaps not warranted but still in my solar plexus and in my heart. Full of worries about my son. He was attacked by a gang a few months ago. Even though he is as strong as an ox and healthy, thank goodness and all that is good and hopeful on this earth and in this universe, he is still living with the after effects of the attack 😥 Will he be alright? Will his life be good? Will he be loved and healthy and happy? Yes, yes, and yes I insistently tell myself!

And then I read this is not the worst mass shooting in modern history, that was in Black Wall Street, where 100’s of African Americans were killed for being too prosperous. The Native Americans were given blankets with smallpox. No gun control, can’t even talk about it, not even on the day of the Las Vegas shooting! I’m so tired of all this. I can not deal with it. Too much violence. Too much inequality, injustice, just plain disgustedness. I am sad and disappointed and heart broken because of these and so many other things. Please, I’m drowning!

I don’t know what to do to stop all this awful stuff from happening.

It’s just too much for me. I feel like I’m drowning in the negativity of these heinous events. That there’s no hope for humankind. How can we do all these terrible things, treat our fellow human beings in terrible ways? Is there any hope? The racist, white supremacist, anti feminist ultra conservative path that the US and much of the world are taking is pretty unintelligible and abhorrent to a person like me who is a humanist, a feminist, and someone who believes, truly believes that love is the answer.

But it seems like either no one is asking any questions or they are asking the wrong questions, because no one is getting LOVE as the answer. They are getting hate, and divisiveness, and fear, and anger. And all these negative emotions are making me feel very afraid. I don’t like this world we live in. I don’t like our gun toting, bigoted, racist, classist, anti feminist society. And the more I read and see the more hopeless and afraid I become.

Maybe I just need to unplug from media, social and otherwise. I think I will only read scientific articles from now on or articles about meditation, yoga, good positive things. No more politics, no more mass killings, absolutely no more 45. That’s it I’m done. I don’t want to live in fear anymore. The world will just have to go on without me, it will anyway. I will try to make my immediate surroundings full of love and acceptance, in fact I won’t just try, I will do it! I will give love and acceptance to all my loved ones. I will be the change I want to see in the world. Then I will have peace and give peace and love to one and all I encounter.

So Namaste friends and may Peace and Love be with you. And wish me luck in my absolutely heartfelt quest to live a loving, peaceful and positive life.