This video, dramatically illustrates the world is ROUND!! Amazing to see in this obvious way!!!

By William Ernest Henley.

Another phenomenal poem!!!

Out of the night that covers me,

      Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

      I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

      Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

      How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul.

By Rudyard Kipling. An absolutely incredible poem!!!

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

https://chng.it/md2GmMrhnN

Sorry, I had left it blank, this was a joke. I said in my last post that when my mood is stable, the poems go away. So this was a joke to say that the poems have gone away. Sorry, I’m laughing, but it feels so good because I haven’t laughed in many days.

One pill makes you larger

And one pill makes you small…

As I have bipolar 1 disorder, I cannot take antidepressants. If I do I go into a mixed phase.

https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/mixed-bipolar-disorder

A mixed phase is something you don’t want to go into. It’s definitely worse than mania or depression separately. I know. I’ve been through many of them, for years I was erroneously given antidepressants. In fact, my bipolar 1 disorder was unmasked as a result of having been put on tricyclics, they pushed me into a full blown manic phase. I was Alice (the one in wonderland) people around me were various other characters.

So I have to take Lamictal as an antidepressant. I have a love hate relationship with Lamictal. Too little and the depressive symptoms will not abate. Too much and I start having manic symptoms. So it’s a very titrated dose. What makes it really fun is depending on my overall mood, the dose of Lamictal I need changes. So one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small… It’s not easy having bipolar and trying to be normal.

For example, very recently, I lowered my Lamictal dose because I thought I was getting too up. But this time, quite rapidly, I started sobbing, and felt like my heart was broken. Even though Llamictal inhibits the uptake of neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, dopamine, and adrenaline. All these are“happy“ neurotransmitters, decreasing their uptake will cause symptoms of depression. Especially dopamine, which is colloquially known as the love neurotransmitter, however decreasing the dose causes symptoms of heartbreak. This is counterintuitive, but that’s what happens to me. Maybe it’s just withdrawal? Anyway, I increased the dose again and literally in a day I started feeling better. I stopped crying, my heart didn’t feel shattered anymore. Just playing the dosing game every few weeks. And of course, I’m on lithium, luckily the worst thing it does to me is make my hand shake. And also if my blood levels get too high, then my hair starts falling out. I really don’t love that. But rather than the major mood upheaval, I suppose I would rather lose some hair. Not the best, but possibly not the worst either. I’m sure all of you know this already, gentle readers, but where the concentration of lithium is naturally high in water, there is a lower incidence of mood disorders as well as suicide. So lithium is an incredibly amazing element.

Sadly, as my mood gets better, the poems go away.

PS

Found this:, sorry couldn’t find a reference.

People who experience mixed episodes often describe them as the worst part of bipolar disorder. Mixed episodes can be especially serious because of the risk of suicide, and symptom management and supportive treatment are important. The recommended treatment for mixed episodes is similar to treating bipolar disorder itself and typically involves a combination of therapy and medication. 

You think you know me?

Hope I’m not overstating my virtues but you know the happy, the comical, the quick witted, the empathetic, the caring, the smiling me.

What about the stay in bed all day, exhausted me?

Or brain shut down except for the fear and anxiety centers me? Those never shut down.

Don’t want to eat? Just want to sleep me? just sleep.

The worry to death about my son me?

Why exactly am I here me? Just a thought, never any action taken. I have a son.

The sobbing about the cruelty of the world against a perfectly innocent group of people me?

Bipolar. The depth of emotions.

Will everything ever be okay? Will I be suffering the rest of my life? Tired. So tired.

Live in the past, you’ll be depressed. Live in the future, you will be anxious. Live in the moment, you will have peace. The moment is lost if you go to the past or the future. The moment, the now, the present. Live in the breath. It’s here but we forget. Why is it so difficult to live in the moment? Why is our attention constantly being pushed to the past or propelled to the future?

If I still had Gus Bear, I could have lived in the moment and been happy. But he’s gone.

So, now what? Hmmm, just anxiety. That’s all. Stomach churning, hard to breath, head full of swirling negative thoughts, fear, so much fear. How courageous do you have to be to live with all this fear? Is it me? Is it bipolar? How to parse, how to untangle? No idea. Don’t want to do it anyway. So tired of ruminating. My aim is to quiet my brain into utter silence. No thoughts. Nothing nagging at me. Nothing ratcheting up the fear. No unbearable anxiety. Possible? Hasn’t been till now.

But hope springs eternal.

Funny.

When I lived in Kentucky, I tutored the children of horse workers at Churchill Downs. I used to sneak into the barns of these miraculously gorgeous racehorses and feed them mints. They love mints. The horse in the first picture is trying to get mints from my purse 😅!!! They are stunningly beautiful. Endlessly lovable. Worth millions of dollars. I don’t like horse racing at all. However, I adore horses, all horses, no matter the price. Miss these babies. Hope they are loved and thriving. ❤️❤️❤️