Underlying molecular mechanism of bipolar disorder revealed

This is an interesting article! Bipolar disorder has always been thought to be a genetic disorder, that is due to mutations in genes. One of the reasons bring it is inherited and runs in families. However, here the authors make a case for it not being genetic but physiological in nature. I’ve put the most important passage in the article in quotes below. If you’d love to read the whole article, there’s, as always, a link below too. CRMP2 is a protein that is involved in neural networking, i.e in arranging neurons from soma to axon and making networks between neurons. In bipolar disorder, the activity of this protein is low. When Lithium is given to Lithium responsive neurons, the activity of CRMP2 is brought back up to normal, thereby correcting the underlying cause of the disorder. That’s what the authors say. Just have to wait and see if this is truly the underlying cause of bipolar disorder. 

“In hiPS cells created from lithium-responsive and non-responsive patients, researchers observed a physiological difference in the regulation of CRMP2, which rendered the protein to be in a much more inactive state in responsive patients. However, the research showed that when lithium was administered to these cells, their regulatory mechanisms were corrected, restoring normal activity of CRMP2 and correcting the underlying cause of their disorder. Thus, the study demonstrated that bipolar disorder can be rooted in physiological—not necessarily genetic—mechanisms. The insights derived from the hiPS cells were validated in actual brain specimens from patients with bipolar disorder (on and off lithium), in animal models, and in the actions of living neurons.”


The latest of my accidents, got cut by a knife my brother’s friend was using to chop onions. 

Before that, 2 nights ago, pretty sure I broke my little toe, hit it hard against a door. It’s black and blue. 

Before that, 4 nights ago, while climbing stairs, tripped and pitched headfirst into an iron pipe. The sound my head made hitting the pipe sounded like a gunshot. Pretty sure I have a concussion, constant headache and forgetfulness. 

Karma? Bad luck? WTF? So tired of being accident prone. Whatever it is, just quit it! Leave me alone. 


Tomorrow I go home Tomorrow I start worrying again. Tomorrow anxiety will hijack my brain again. 

It will take me through twisted, tortuous roads, it will show me in sickening, horrifying detail what can go wrong and convince me that it all will go wrong. 

It will hijack my brain and my mind for half the day. Yes half the day. For the rest, it will grant me respite. I will be free to be me for the second half of the day. I will make the most of it. I will make plans of how to defeat anxiety tomorrow. “Get up, don’t listen to your thoughts, get out and go for a brisk walk. Set your coffee out on your bedside table and drink it the moment you open your eyes, watch something funny on YouTube, etc. etc…” 

I won’t let it beat me. It’s not real. And then the thought sneaks in: Isn’t it real? Aren’t all those things possible? God if anyone is a master at playing mind games, head games, it is anxiety. And I hate it that it’s using my head as the playing field. 

Tomorrow I will go home and I will be the unwilling star player in this god awful, sick, twisted game. All the while, I’d rather be dancing. 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

Feel Too Much

Sometimes I just want to break down and cry

At the exquisite beauty of life

At the hideousness of it

At the warmth and tenderness

At the frigid, iciness

At the loving arms enveloping me

At the cruel feet kicking the life out of me

At my terrifying, heartbreaking love for my precious child

At the fear and terror that everything will go wrong

At the family gatherings with love, care, and compassion. Loving togetherness

And the aching goodbyes, the pangs of missing each other, “Oh we were all together just yesterday!”

Feel and feel and feel too much

My heart cries out at your tender touch

Time to up the Lithium? Yes, if it gets any deeper than this.

Beauty and feelings mean nothing to me if I’m in the hospital in a freaking manic phase.

Helping myself 

Wow! Sometimes you do something only in the spirit of helping someone, and it totally comes back to bite you in your derrière. You don’t have to do this thing, you are under no obligation to do it. But for some reason you feel someone is asking for your help without using the exact words, so you actually try to help. My advice was actually to read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. Also it was about the effects of L-Dopa when people first start taking it for early onset Parkinson’s disease. How that advice could be taken wrongly and twisted to make me feel like I’d done something wrong is quite puzzling and quite beyond me. 

Do I stop helping people? If someone reaches out to me either in words or actions, do I just ignore them to avoid the backlash? Yes. For a bit. Until I understand how trying to help someone is wrong. I’m going to stop. For self preservation. For my own peace of mind and for the peace in my life. I’m going to put myself first. And not go out on a limb to help anyone else. 

I have always been helpful and selfless. But this incident is teaching me how to be more selfish and less selfless, so that I cannot be turned into the scapegoat into which I have frequently been turned. My entire life. I think I needed that lesson. 

Overcoming the “8 Reasons Why People Don’t Get Treatment for Mental Illness” by Dr. David Susman. 

Pretty great article for anyone struggling to accept they have a mental illness. So many reasons not to accept that we have these wretched illnesses. Dr. Susman offers alternative ways of looking at things, more helpful and constructive ways. Would be a great read for relatives of those struggling with mental illness as well.

Me, after my first depression, at which point I had no idea what the hell happened to me, but after that, I realized and accepted that I suffered from a mental illness. My first manic phase when I was Alice in Wonderland, and what a wonderland it was, well it was quite difficult to disavow my illness. After that first manic phase, I of course had to accept that I had bipolar 1. And though I’ve lost my baby brother to this illness, 31 years after my diagnosis, I’m still here.

As per the author’s request, I am removing the text of the article here, please just click on the link to read it 🙂