It’s not real 

Anxiety is real, but what it tells us is not real. The churning in the stomach, the fear and not just fear, the utter panic is not real. The thoughts in our heads, the catastrophizing, though based in reality, are not real. What I mean is the thoughts you are thinking are not really going to take place!

The situation that gives rise to these thoughts and feelings is real. There may very well be a worrisome situation in your life right now. There is one in mine. But, the utterly extreme and frightening thoughts that go through my mind, especially in the morning after I wake up, the fear, the panic, the going down roads I have no business walking on, that is anxiety, and though based in reality, is not real itself. That is, the thoughts are not real. The thoughts, in my case, are totally due to PTSD from the extreme trauma and traumatic events in my life in the past. My brain makes connections from what is going on in the here and now to what catastrophes had happened in the past. It is all very odd, but it happens. I end up in “panic from the past” land more often than I would ever like to.

This is happening these days as a result of a situation in my life about which I have been expressly forbidden to talk. So all I can tell you is that the situation in and of itself is probably not that extreme.  Hope, hope, hopefully. My PTSD and anxiety is of course taking me down Catastrophe Lane. Argh! Why? Why can’t I just react calmly and evenly to things, even worrisome things?

I know, I’m almost positive, sure that all will be well, but until I know that it is, my anxiety might kill me.

No not really, I have a prescription for Ativan and I’m not afraid to use it!!

2 thoughts on “It’s not real 

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