Ode to Lithium.

Hold me, Lithium, don’t let me go past the precipice.
Keep me, don’t let me go past normal.
This is the time I need you.
Every year as the leaves change, so does my mood.
It may be colorful, but dysphoric mania is not beautiful like the changing colors of the leaves.
Anger, anger, anger, feeling like I’m going to explode from the inside out.
Wanting to break things, shatter glass, hear the sound of it, shattered to smithereens.
Hold me Lithium, don’t let me get past the breaking point.
When everyday things become impossible, when keeping schedules becomes impossible. When years, tears stream down my face.
Hold me Lithium, I am not a destructive person, where do these thoughts of destruction come from?
Where does the restlessness come from?
Where does my peace of mind go?
Hold me Lithium, don’t let me fall off the precipice.
I am holding on, help me.
I don’t scream, I don’t break things, I take, first, shallow breaths of panic, then deeper ones. I struggle and fight against this monster inside me.
I know it well, I keep it ay bay, I control it. Make it easier Lithium, make it easier for me.
Mania of any kind is a self limiting thing. It will go away all on its own.
But I am protected by Lithium, I have reinforcements in this battle.
Hold me Lithium, don’t let me go, give me strength to fight this yet again.
Give me strength. I cannot lose, I will not lose. This too shall pass. And if depression comes after this, as it normally does, you will hold me then as well Lithium.
Ah this hellish disease, this swirling of emotions, calm me Lithium. Hold me.

2 thoughts on “Ode to Lithium.

  1. What a powerful piece! I tweeted and shared it on Facebook.

    Aside from lithium and Seroquel what has been an enormous help to me is the MAOI Parnate (tranylcypromine). While the MAOI’s have gotten harshed upon due to the dietary restrictions, my little pink pills are worth their weight in gold to me.

    Combined with lithium the “old-school” antidepressant helps lift bipolar depression for those who have been medication-resistant, like me.

    Two studies in the 1970’s (I know…that’s long ago….but still, the results grabbed my attention!) indicated that lithium taken with an MAOI resulted in major improvement re: bipolar depression in the majority of the subjects. The studies were small but I was so impressed by the findings. This is of course just a suggestion….for all I know you’ve tried MAOI’s. No psychiatrist had ever thought to mention them to me until my current one. My depression was SO bad (in the fall!) and then when I added the MAOI to my lithium, the depression finally lifted. I had afternoon fatigue at first for 3 weeks or so, but that went away.

    Aside from my spiel I am thinking of you. You’re an incredible writer!!!!! Please keep holding on and I’ll do the same.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Dyane! So happy you’re doing well. Thank you for the MAOI suggestion. I’ll talk to my doctor about it. Also thank you for your logical, detailed comment and for spending the time to write!!! Yes, of course, we’ll both hang on! 😊

      Like

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