Had a long conversation with a friend, some things became crystal clear to me as a result of simply talking! That is the power of talk therapy as well! The reason my life got derailed in so many ways between 2003 and 2009, seven long years, became abundantly clear, it was (1) Stopping Lithium and starting Lamictal, and (2) Talking to an unprincipled woman who was, unbeknownst to me, a sexologist, but treating me as a psychologist for bipolar d/o. These two things almost led to my marriage ending, and I almost lost my son. This was one of the most difficult times in my life and believe me I have had some whoppers! My mood being on the verge of mania for years upon years did nothing whatsoever for the health of my marriage and our family life. My most beloved son suffered because of the home environment and took refuge in destructive things. It almost broke up our family, we almost lost each other and the very worst thing to me, I almost lost my son. Do you know what I went through and how it makes me feel now to think about it? Hell and absolutely hellish! But, somehow, through strength, love and with the parts of our brain that were healthy, we survived this near calamity. I was there for my son when he needed me, my husband managed to hang in there for me, and I was put back on Lithium at the hospital, after being hospitalized the second time in my life for full blown mania as a result of having been taken off Lithium and put on Lamictal. (Lamictal puts people with bipolar 1 in a hypomanic phase eventually leading to mania 😦 )
So, obviously my illness was to blame for all the near catastrophes in the past, but so was medical mismanagement and downright malpractice on the part of the sexologist.
Is there a why? Why did these things have to happen to me and my family? Well, I can ask why till the cows come home and it won’t really help me. What will help me is to know what happened, acknowledge that bad things happened, that catastrophic things almost happened, learn from them and move on. And don’t forget the PTSD medications, haha, just kidding. But seriously, I’ll never, never come off Lithium, NEVER!
And yes I am strong to have coped with all this “insanity”, to have helped my son through very difficult times, to have managed to keep my marriage intact. I think all three of us deserve a medal for bravery and valor in life. I think a LOT of people with mental illnesses deserve this medal. Perhaps we should forge one and start pinning them on people’s chests!
Living in strength, love and with a positive mindset, I send everyone love and hugs.