A Conversation.

Aral 7

Had a long conversation with a friend, some things became crystal clear to me as a result of simply talking! That is the power of talk therapy as well! The reason my life got derailed in so many ways between 2003 and 2009, seven long years, became abundantly clear, it was (1) Stopping Lithium and starting Lamictal, and (2) Talking to an unprincipled woman who was, unbeknownst to me,  a sexologist, but treating me as a psychologist for bipolar d/o. These two things almost led to my marriage ending, and I almost lost my son. This was one of the most difficult times in my life and believe me I have had some whoppers! My mood being on the verge of mania for years upon years did nothing whatsoever for the health of my marriage and our family life. My most beloved son suffered because of the home environment and took refuge in destructive things. It almost broke up our family, we almost lost each other and the very worst thing to me, I almost lost my son. Do you know what I went through and how it makes me feel now to think about it? Hell and absolutely hellish! But, somehow, through strength, love and with the parts of our brain that were healthy, we survived this near calamity. I was there for my son when he needed me, my husband managed to hang in there for me, and I was put back on Lithium at the hospital, after being hospitalized the second time in my life for full blown mania as a result of having been taken off Lithium and put on Lamictal. (Lamictal puts people with bipolar 1 in a hypomanic phase eventually leading to mania 😦 )

So, obviously my illness was to blame for all the near catastrophes in the past, but so was medical mismanagement and downright malpractice on the part of the sexologist.

Is there a why? Why did these things have to happen to me and my family? Well, I can ask why till the cows come home and it won’t really help me. What will help me is to know what happened, acknowledge that bad things happened, that catastrophic things almost happened, learn from them and move on. And don’t forget the PTSD medications, haha, just kidding. But seriously, I’ll never, never come off Lithium, NEVER!

And yes I am strong to have coped with all this “insanity”, to have helped my son through very difficult times, to have managed to keep my marriage intact. I think all three of us deserve a medal for bravery and valor in life. I think a LOT of people with mental illnesses deserve this medal. Perhaps we should forge one and start pinning them on people’s chests!

Living in strength, love and with a positive mindset, I send everyone love and hugs.

6 thoughts on “A Conversation.

  1. Just got back home last night, my dear. Wow – I didn’t know this history of yours and I admire you even MORE, my God! I send you love and hugs too, always…..always….you’re incredible! I’m SO glad you made it through to the other side, and I join you in stating that I’ll never come off lithium unless my organs demand it or if there’s a cure! Fingers and toes are tightly crossed that we see a cure in our lifetime!!!!!! Why not? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • So glad to have you back, missed you dear Dyane! Hope you had a lovely time on vacation! Thank you again for your positive and supportive words! A cure! Love how you say: Why not?! Yes, wouldn’t that be an amazing thing! Love and hugs for you my friend,

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hello my Star! 😉 I still cannot believe you went on with the show despite that evil flu- you’re a true pro!

        I know that even uttering the word “cure” sounds preposterous, but no one can stop me from saying it, hee hee. Cure cure cure! I always like to say that if people can figure out how to fly to the moon & back, it seems that we could figure out a way to cure bipolar. But the same amount of $ and brilliant minds that were allocated for space travel would need to commit to making that happen.

        XOXOXOXO thanks for your lovely comment! I love them all!!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Awww thank you Dyane!!! Yes cure cure cure!!! Below Eve it or not, the brain cells s probably more complicated than rocket engines. But they should be able to decipher it all and come up with something. Let’s hope in our lifetime. Love you Girl. So happy you’re back!

        Liked by 1 person

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