I am dedicating this post to my friend Dyane Leshin Harwood, whose amazing blog: https://proudlybipolar.wordpress.com/ has inspired me so much! And whose support and positive comments are so valuable to me. Love you my lithium sister!
Do you ever think you over react? Me? I say to myself, over react? Never! I am the modicum of tempered emotional reactions. Ummm no, actually I’m not. Happiness for me is joy, glee, giddiness. Sadness for me is ultimate doom, and blackness. Where is the middle ground? The happy medium? I do live there sometimes and sometimes I do not. Actually for someone with bipolar disorder, I am a fairly balanced person, but when something out of the ordinary happens, such as a concussion, well, I may lose it just a little, really, just a tiny, little bit.
Actually after I hit my head, I felt so amazingly good LOL! I haven’t felt that good in forever. All the worry, the depression, anxiety, all of it was gone. In its place was a peace, an acceptance of everything, a pleasantness and an optimism, and happiness and a calm. This lasted for almost two heavenly days, after which the anxiety, depression, sadness, pessimism, all came rushing back. Sigh, I’m almost willing to hit my head again to get that feeling back. Is there any way to whack your head, just a bit, yet prevent brain damage? If anyone knows of one, by all means let me know! Please.
I believe the good feelings were due to my brain producing endorphins to relieve the pain of the concussion. Yes, concussions are pretty painful. You, or in this case, I hit the back of my head against one of the most unyielding and hard substances in the world, ice! A whack of my head, against the ice, and my neck snapped back and my brain hit the wall of my skull. Luckily I fell backwards. Apparently that is the direction of choice. If I’d fallen sideways, I could have ruptured an artery, such as the middle meningeal artery, and that would have been a whole lot worse. As in subdural hematomas, coma, and death, if the pressure was not relieved by a craniotomy (a hole in your skull.)
So I dodged a bullet there, Generally I’d say that I got away easy, as the CAT scan showed no bleeding and even my tail bone was not fractured, though it feels like it is. Even the headaches I had for two days in Buffalo weren’t as bad as the worst migraines I have ever had.
The plane ride seems to have exacerbated the symptoms a bit in that I’m having headaches again, but not really, really bad ones.
I count myself as lucky, that even though I did do something as stupid as not wearing a helmet, and very ungracefully falling on my butt and then thwacking my head against the crystalline, diamond hard ice, I came thorough it quite well.
Concussions are not good for anyone, especially I might add, for people with bipolar d/o, as emotional disturbances can occur. Even in this aspect, I feel I am doing fine. Although, I do realize now that I was a bit up, just a bit, mind you, even before the concussion, and I did have a little emotional down spike a few days after the concussion as well, but since then, calm.
And of course, my mantra is “Wear a helmet!”
After I come back from Pakistan, yes my next adventure, I will buy a helmet, hire an instructor, and learn how to ice skate, really well 🙂
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. That is also a mantra of mine 🙂