I have decided to stop being afraid. Afraid of what, you ask? Well, afraid of everything! I may not act afraid, but inside I have mostly always been afraid. Also many of my actions have been fueled by fear. The fear of loss. The fear of abandonment. And really, that is no way to act or live.
Does my decision mean I am healing from the past? Yes. It does. I am healing from all that happened in the past. The surest sign is that I can say I will not live in fear anymore! Fear of people leaving me, because that fear causes me to hang on too tightly and ironically causes people to really leave me. Yes, ironic and a little sad that friends who I want to stay in my life get annoyed and leave. So if I’m not afraid, I don’t hang on too tightly, no one feels constricted and leaves.
I will not live in fear of bad things happening. Also known as anxiety, your brain, my brain, when I wake up in the morning, hits me with a jolt of horrible anxiety. I have been meditating every day and hopefully, and by all accounts, it will help me with my anxiety.
I am afraid of learning my lines for my play, actually of not learning my lines. But I’m putting this phone down and starting to learn them in the next few minutes. I am the female lead in this play so I have quite a few lines. But I’ve easily learnt 10 times as many lines. So no fear, just get er done.
I will not be afraid of examining where I’m going with my life. I have many options, a PhD in the molecular biology of bipolar disorder. How amazing is it that I have the opportunity to do this! Other options are perhaps getting a real estate license, I love houses and I think I would be good at selling them. Since very fortunately, we are fine financially, I could even get a job at Macy’s and just work there. I’d done that once in Buffalo and had so much fun working there, helping little old ladies find anything they were looking for. Yet another option I have is writing my book. I really do have a book inside me just waiting to make a grand entrance into the world.
So no fear. Not even about my soon to be 21 year old baby Fluffin cat. She’s lived a long and happy life, and I love her to pieces, but… you know at her age there’s a but, I will be sad. Ok let’s not talk about this anymore.
No fear. Only possibilities, making some of them into reality, living fearlessly and positively. Amen.