Sort of consumed by fear. And anxiety. Trying to tell myself that all is well. All will be well. Fear and anxiety is all for the future. What will happen? Will everything be okay? Will my loved ones be fine? Only time will tell, but in the meantime, am being devoured by dread and panic and colossal amounts of fear. Is this depression? Usually in the summer I do go into a depression. But I don’t think this is only depression. It is being a mother who is far away from her child, and at this moment the future is unknown for her child. Education is finished and the start of “real” life is in the process. In my mind it is imperative that the start of this very real life be a “successful” one, whatever that means… Of course my son is responsible for his own life from here on out, he is responsible for the choices he makes, and of course he is allowed to make mistakes. Just so difficult to live with uncertainty, I am sure the tragedies that have happened in my past do nothing to make this unsure time any easier. Of course I am responsible for my own emotions, must not push them onto my son. But I’m telling you, this is not an easy time for me. Smh. Does it ever get any easier, or do you forever carry the past in your heart? Forever worry about what can happen? Going to visit my son again, and hoping for good things. Everything will be fine, I’m sure, I just have to get a handle on my anxious thoughts and heart.