Mental illness is such a waste of time! People are out there accomplishing brilliant things while I sit at home and cry. People are out walking, talking, working, creating, exploring while I sit at home and have anxiety and panic attacks. I had so many plans to do so many things, but since early September, everything has gone wrong. I’ve been in a mixed phase, meaning elements of both mania and depression either at the same time or alternating one after another are present. This one was not as severe as past ones have been, at least I can be thankful for that. But again, it has stolen my life, my time, my peace of mind, the faith that I am me and will always be me, the belief that I am capable of doing what I set out to do. In this state, I am not me, I cannot accomplish what I wanted to. It’s hellish, and intolerable.
However I feel that I am coming out of it, of course it’s one step forward, two steps back, but I’ll take it. I don’t understand why it hit me so hard this year… well I guess I do… too many traumatic things happened. Anyway, feeling more like myself, and have less anxiety. Thank goodness! Onwards and upwards.