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One of The Best Bipolar Health Blogs of 2015 as chosen by Healthline.com

bipolar-best bipolar-best

Bipolar 1 Blog has been chosen for the “Best Bipolar Health Blogs” for 2015 at Healthline.com.

Who knew this was even a possibility when I started this blog in August of 2014! But I am so happy to be a part of this list. There are some pretty awesome blogs on it, so of course to be included is an honor! Simply put, what I have been doing is being recognized, I hope that means I am making a difference and it definitely means I will continue. Onwards and upwards my friends!

http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/best-bipolar-blogs#12

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Just In Case You Wondered, This Is What Depression Is.

Written in 2014. In a brief depressed phase. And yet there is hope, and yet I am alive. You can be in a severe depression such as described below, but you can survive it. You can go through it and come out on the other side and live and thrive. Just know that you can. I did it, I have done it many times, and I will keep on fighting. Fight with me.

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How much should I tell you, how much should I disclose? How much of myself should I give away? How much of the façade should I let crumble? I feel sick, awful, teary, bad… yes depression is on its way…again. The pictures I post on Facebook with smiles on my face, happy, normal looking, that person is gone again. I know it doesn’t make any sense. But this is what bipolar d/o does. One day, you are fine, enjoying life, smiling, thinking about things, and then the next day, you are basically a lifeless statue, expressionless, thought-less, emotionless. All the positives gone. And you feel nothingness and pain. There is a weight on my chest, hard to take a deep breath. My muscles ache, my heart aches. My mind feels dull and empty, no happy, positive thoughts, no ideas, no plans. Tired, so tired. Don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. Don’t want to do anything. Can’t publish this. Don’t want people to know how much of a wreck I am right now. Can’t give it all away. Don’t want everyone to see me deconstructed. Have to keep up some pretense of who I am. Fine, look at me, see this mentally ill person in a depression. See me and count your blessings you were not born with a mental illness.

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What do WE think about? We think about Side Effects.

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I have severe seasonal allergies, I always knew I did. Two days ago, I went to see my allergist (who I’ve been seeing for food allergies 😦 ) and he looked inside my nose (eeeek) and told me he was surprised that I could breathe as there was so much inflammation in my nostrils. So he recommended a steroid shot (100 mg Depo Medrol), some heavy duty anti allergy meds (Montelukast) and a steroid and antihistamine nose spray. And instead of being overjoyed that my allergies are being treated and will soon be gone, I went into panic mode. Steroid injection?! Will it send me straight into depression or, sometimes infinitely worse, mania?? Here are the psychiatric side effects for Depo Medrol: Psychiatric reactions, such as mood changes (including irritability, depression and suicidal thoughts), psychotic reactions (including mania, delusions and hallucinations), anxiety, confusion, memory loss, sleep disturbances.

What about the Montelukast? Here are the psychiatric side effects listed for it: aggression, anxiousness, dream abnormalities and hallucinations, depression, insomnia, irritability, restlessness, suicidal thinking and behavior (including suicide), and tremor. By the way, it’s very interesting that the Montelukast, which is an anti leukotriene, causes psychological side effects. Leukotrienes are molecules produced by leukocytes or white cells (the warriors of our immune system), they cause bronchial smooth muscle contraction, they attract other white cells to the vicinity. These are 3 – 4 times more potent in their effects as histamine. Anyway, the point is that once again there is a connection between our immune system and mental illness. There are many such connections. I will write a post about it soon.

For most people, a steroid shot for allergies is just an inconvenience. For people with mental illness, it is something to be thought about carefully, and even then, it could be an undoer of a life you have oh so carefully, with trembling, tired hands, put together. The same can be said for the leukotriene inhibitors, such as Montelukast.

So, now what do I do? Well I have two options, take them, or not take them. And I will discuss these issues with my psychiatrist and my allergist. In the final analysis though, it’s being injected into me, and I will react to it in whatever way I will, so the decision is mine. Scary, going into the unknown, I’m hoping that all will be well, mood as well as allergies.

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Responsibility

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I have been feeling useless, like a burden, and generally a mess. But I have decided to tackle these things head on. Instead of wallowing in the misery that these thoughts have brought on, I will look at them another way, a more constructive way. Namely by asking myself what can I do to remedy this situation? Do more, be more… How? Well, I might have been feeling depressed or anxious or a little too up and did not accomplish all I should have. So, from now on, I will do more, not go on spending sprees (nothing major, haven’t bought a Maserati yet, haha) so there is not even the least bit of worry about our finances or bills. Yes, spending sprees are a symptom (sometimes) of my bipolar disorder. Actually, I am just very extravagant, my grandfather was and my grandmother used to berate him for it. I think I inherited it from him! (When in doubt, blame it on your progenitors.) But… and yes there is a but… since I am aware of this, I can surely control it. Right? I think, therefore I am! I, very possibly, need to stop using my illness as an excuse and be more functional, carry the responsibility of mine and my family’s life on my own two shoulders. Instead of feeling bad, I am going to be happy that I have had this insight, and now I am able to do something to remedy the negative things and do more of the positives that I was already doing. Yes, tomorrow is another day! Oh gosh, what would we do without our tomorrows (ok, ok  Eckhart, don’t have a fit, I know it’ll be in the now that I will act)? And it is a day to be better than we were yesterday. To be out better selves. To be thankful for what we have in our lives. To be thankful for our loved ones. To not wallow in our misery, but LEARN, learn, learn from our missteps, and live life with responsibility, love and joy, and appreciation for all that is in our lives. Even the negative things, because they are our greatest teachers.

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Depression help

irisIris, it means heavenly colors.

Being in a severe depression is one of the most excruciatingly psychically (and even physically) painful experiences any one can ever experience. That’s when the bottom falls out from under you, the rug is yanked out from under your feet and in either case, there is a black, terrifying bottomless abyss into which you fall. At first you claw and scratch to get out, but then as the days go by, you give up. You sit down, you stay put. All hope is gone, you have no energy to fight, your inner voice has maliciously turned against you. It tells you you are worthless, garbage, not worth saving. You don’t want to listen but you have no choice, you have no energy left to fight this. You have no hope of getting better. And anyway, are you sick or is the the way you always were? Useless, hopeless, ugly, stupid, wrong, just plain wrong. Well this kind of depression, a severe depression definitely needs medication. But might someone in this kind of severe depression, or someone in a less severe depression be helped by another technique? My very good friend once told me of their experience with depression and how they cope with it in a very compassionate and positive way, which is to treat yourself like you are your good friend. So, you wake up, you feel so awful that you don’t feel like getting out of bed. Now you are treating yourself as your own good friend, so you say “Hmm, don’t feel like getting out of bed? That’s ok, just rest if you need to.” Then you check in with yourself and ask :How about now? You feelin’ any better?” Then later “Feel like takin’ a shower? No? That’s ok, maybe later.” And you go on like this, treating yourself as you would a good friend. With compassion, love, caring. No name calling, derision, hate. Remember depression is an illness, you are not doing this to yourself, you are suffering from an illness. What if you broke your arm and started calling yourself names and saying hateful things to yourself? You wouldn’t, you’d go to the emergency room, get a cast and NURSE your arm back to health. This takes me to the second thing I wanted to say, my fellow blogger Gentle Kindness just posted a post (http://gentlementalannie.com/2015/02/13/personal-care-and-depression-be-your-own-nurse/) about depression, in this post she describes depression to a tee and then offers the suggestion that when you are in a depression, you should be your own compassionate nurse! Another brilliant idea. Who wouldn’t benefit from a good friend and a compassionate nurse? Lately, I have been feeling the choking, ugly, bony fingers of depression around my throat. Tasks have once again become more difficult to do. There is dread in my heart and tears that spill easily from my eyes, and my heart feels like it’s breaking for things that would not normally phase me. yes, depression, unfortunately, definitely depression.Well, I am going to try an experiment. Instead of saying what I normally do to myself when I’m feeling depressed “You useless, sick, sad excuse for oxygen consumption.” I am going to treat myself with compassion and love, as a sick person deserves. Well it’s already working to lift my mood a little, it’s infinitely better to hear “It’s ok honey, you are sick, take it easy. You’ll feel better, you always do!” than the above dialogue. Be kind, be compassionate, use loving words and have hope and be resilient. You are hope and resilience. Hugs and positive thoughts for all those suffering from depression or other maladies of the mind or body.

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Feelings are just visitors

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This post is inspired by the graphic above that I saw on my Facebook newsfeed from a site called Recovery 4 All: https://www.facebook.com/recov4all?pnref=story

This seems to be quite genius advice. Feelings come and feelings go. How simple! But… yes there is a but, can people with mood disorders do this? I know I can hang on to feelings for days. It wouldn’t be so bad if the feelings were good ones, but they usually are not. The feelings that hang on to me or to which I hang on are usually negative ones, like anger, fear, anxiety, unease, just bad feelings. I wish I could say to them “You have overstayed your welcome. Please go now.” And sometimes I can. But the majority of times they ARE me, so I cannot ask them to leave. Finally, when I realize that they really are NOT me, then I can ask them to leave. Then they lose their power over me and I gain myself and my life back. I wonder, if I had this made into a bracelet or something very visible to me, if I could stop being the captive of these negative feelings?

I recently learned how negatively stress affects you depends wholly on how you view stress. Link: http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en  This is a quote from the TED lecture: “When you choose to view your stress response as helpful you create the biology of courage. stress gives us access to our hearts, the compassionate heart that finds joy and meaning in connecting with others and yes your pounding physical heart working so hard to give you strength and energy. And when you choose to view stress this way, you’re not just getting better at stress, you’re actually making a pretty profound statement, you’re saying that you can trust yourself to handle life’s challenges and you’re remembering that you don’t have to face them alone.” This is incredible! Your outlook on stress can affect whether you die of a heart attack or thrive and live healthily on. If this can be done with stress, why can we not think our way out of feelings? If we can, then we can have more control over our lives, and we can live the lives we want to live, without anger, fear, anxiety, worry, and unease. I mean, stress is no small thing, and if we can mitigate its effects upon us, then it is possible that we can control our emotions and mitigate their effects upon us. Gives me hope! Hope and resilience, my two best life fellows.

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Presidential Proclamation — National Mental Health Awareness Month, 2015

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Presidential Proclamation — National Mental Health Awareness Month, 2015

NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH, 2015

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BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

This year, approximately one in five American adults — our friends, colleagues, and loved ones — will experience a diagnosable mental health condition like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or post-traumatic stress, and many others will be troubled by significant emotional and psychological distress, especially in times of difficulty.  For most of these people, treatment can be effective and recovery is possible.  Yet today, millions of Americans still do not receive the care they need.  This month, we stand with those who live with mental illness, and we recommit to ensuring all Americans have access to quality, affordable care.

In the past decade, our Nation has made extraordinary progress in recognizing severe psychological distress and diagnosing and treating mental illness, and my Administration is committed to building on that success.  The Affordable Care Act extends mental health and substance use disorder benefits and parity protections to over 60 million Americans.  Protections under the law also prohibit insurers from denying coverage because of pre-existing conditions like a diagnosis of mental illness and require most insurance plans to cover recommended preventive services without copays, including behavioral assessments for children and depression screenings.  As part of the BRAIN Initiative, we are funding innovative research that aims to revolutionize our understanding of conditions that affect the brain, such as mental health disorders, and to improve the lives of all who live with them.  And we continue to invest in community health centers, enabling them to expand access to mental health services where they are needed most.

As Americans, we have a sacred obligation to provide those who suffer from the invisible wounds of war with the support they have earned.  Earlier this year, I was proud to sign the Clay Hunt SAV Act, which authorized additional steps to address mental health and prevent suicide among veterans.  This law will build on my Administration’s ongoing work to bolster mental health services for service members, veterans, and their families.  We recently established a new policy that will ensure the continuity of mental health medications during service members’ transitions to care at the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), and we took action to make certain those receiving mental health care are connected to mental health professionals as they transition to the VA or a community provider.  My Administration has also worked to increase the number of counselors available to our veterans and to expand the capacity of the Veterans Crisis Line.

Despite how common it is to experience severe psychological distress, substance use problems, and mental illness, there is still considerable stigma associated with mental health treatment.  This month, we must bring mental illness out of the shadows and encourage treatment for those who might benefit; it is our shared responsibility to recognize the signs of psychological and emotional distress and to support those in need.  We must strive to remove the stigma around mental illness and its treatment, overcome fear and misunderstanding, and make sure all those dealing with a mental health issue know they are not alone.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness — taking action to help yourself is a sign of strength.  If you or someone you know is in need of immediate assistance, call 1-800-662-HELP.  The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline also offers immediate assistance for all Americans, including service members and veterans, at 1-800-273-TALK.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim May 2015 as National Mental Health Awareness Month.  I call upon citizens, government agencies, organizations, health care providers, and research institutions to raise mental health awareness and continue helping Americans live longer, healthier lives.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand fifteen, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-ninth.

BARACK OBAMA

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In with the old

I took this photograph in the Buffalo and Erie County Botanical Gardens. Used to hang in my bedroom in my house in Buffalo NY. 

Eternity by Calvin Klein. My perfume that I wore on my wedding day. It had just come out that year and I’d ordered it directly from Calvin Klein and then I remember waiting very impatiently for it to arrive, and then being really happy when it did arrive. It smelled like tea roses, cloves, and sweet, like cotton candy. Still have the original bottle. I don’t know why I didn’t wear it too much. Now, of course the fragrance molecules are degraded, so it can not be worn. But I still have the bottle. 

This is my mother’s little silk pouch for fennel seeds and betel nut, both of which Indian and Pakistani ladies chew to sweeten their breath. This one still has fennel seeds and cut up pieces of betel nut in it, my mother gave it to me before I moved to Istanbul. I still have the pouch.

This is a little ceramic house I bought in New Orleans in 1986, at an Arts Fair. They had some with little ferns hanging in the front of the house, but those had all been sold, so I bought this one. It’s pretty, and peach used to be my favorite color at that time.

This is the Mona Lisa I bought at the Louvre in Paris in 1977. I was 17, and life was an enchanting adventure. Actually, I think it still is, in many ways. Now they know this is Lisa Gherardini also known as Lisa del Giacondo, therefore the name La Giaconde for the painting.  This is a little craft project my son did in kindergarten, it’s a burr, on it he painted a cute little face, and used pumpkin seeds for ears. It’s about 1/2 an inch in size and looks like an adorable little hedgehog! 

This is little Puffin’s fur. She is gone, but I still think of her and love her.

This is my mom’s little Bulova clock. She loved miniature things, and this one is about 1.5 inches tall and still works.

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All is well

TREES

Sitting in my dining room, looking out of the picture windows. Everything is emerald green. I feel like I am sitting inside of a tropical rainforest. The verdant green, somehow so soothing and relaxing. So fresh, so young, so restful for my eyes. Today is a good day, a relaxed day, a “normal me” day. I’m always writing about all my anxiety, and bad feelings, so I really wanted to share today, a blissfully normal, calm, peaceful day. How many more of these are in store? Don’t know. In fact, today, I don’t care. I’ll just take this day and enjoy it. I have done nothing monumental or earth shattering, I have just sat here and enjoyed the view from my window, I have done laundry (haha) I have made lunch for myself, keeping in ming all my food allergies, I have fed my kitty Fluffin and given her her medicine. I’ve played Scrabble online, It isn’t important what I’ve done. What is important is that I have done it feeling calm, peaceful, and normal. Is there a lesson in this? Yes! It doesn’t matter what you do, it matters how you do it, that is to say in what state of mind you do it! Oh I really do hope this mood stays around for a while. I am going to do all in my power to make it stay. I really like it when I can smile, for no reason, just smile 🙂 And feel strong, and in control of my moods. Did this happen because of the meds? Because of the season? Because of some amazing insight I had? Maybe al little of all of the above. The perfect concoction, prescription, potion of all the ingredients, with a pinch of exercise thrown in. Yaaay! Today is my favorite day in all the days that have recently passed. Now I am getting ready for a cocktail party, and later going to Salsa dancing with my friend Cata! Bye, gtg and get ready! Love and hugs for you all.

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Dismal

The Department of Justice estimates that about 15 percent of state prisoners now “report symptoms that met the criteria for a psychotic disorder.”

http://www.vox.com/2015/4/29/8515489/clinton-mental-health-prisons

“Our prisons and our jails are now our mental health institutions,” Democratic presidential contender Hillary Clinton declared in a Wednesday speech on criminal justice reform.

Data on the incarceration of mentally ill Americans bears out Clinton’s point. In the past 50 years, there’s been a marked shift of mental health patients away from state-run institutions and to jails and prisons.

One recent report found that America’s jails and prisons now house 10 times as many mental health patients as state institutions.

This shift, as Clinton noted in her remarks, began with good intentions. In the 1960s and 1970s, mental health practitioners began to move patients out of long-stay psychiatric facilities — the type that came to be associated with abuse and neglect — and into more community-based treatment centers.

“You and I know that the promise of de-institutionalizing those in mental health facilities was supposed to be followed by the creation of community-based treatment centers,” Clinton said in her remarks. “Well, we got half of that equation — but not the other half.”

As the number of hospital beds at state psychiatric hospitals has shrunk, advocates have become concerned that patients lack access to adequate treatment, and that the prison and jail system has become a stand-in for the psychiatric hospitals that are disappearing.

“Looking back, it is possible to see the mistakes, and a primary problem was that mental health policy makers overlooked the difficulty of finding resources to meet the needs of a marginalized group of people living in scattered sites in the community,” Chris Koyanagi of the Bazelon Center for Mental Health concluded in his 2007 history of de-institutionalization.

The Department of Justice estimates that about 15 percent of state prisoners now “report symptoms that met the criteria for a psychotic disorder.” Inmates with mental health problems are more likely to be charged with violating the facility’s rules, with either physical fighting or verbal assaults. They are also more likely to have a history of substance abuse, be victims of physical or sexual abuse, and to have experienced homelessness in the year before their arrest.

Advocacy groups say prisons and jails are ill-equipped to provide mental health patients with the treatment they need. Inmates with serious mental health problems tend to have worse outcomes while incarcerated. Advocates cite previous studies showing that those with serious mental illness are disproportionately held in solitary confinement and frequently attempt suicide.