Pictures of Leonidas and two memes I made with his pictures. Isn’t he adorable!

I was beside myself! This child of mine, the one who feels too much, the one whose reactions are extreme called me today. He called and said his beloved pet cat had eaten lilies and he had done a search on the internet and had found out that lilies are horribly poisonous for cats. Once a cat ingests them, kidney failure and death follow within 36 hours. My son said he could not take this, he would go into a depression (oh no, oh no, no, no), he would not be able to finish his semester in Law school. He would not be able to stand it. He was blaming himself for buying the flowers for his girlfriend, saying it was all his fault. He was on his way to the veterinary clinic with his little cat. I tried to calm him down, while massive amounts of anxiety suddenly swirled in my chest, so much so that breathing was difficult for me. Oh god, what should I do? How should I get there fast enough to be at my son’s side, to be with him should the unthinkable happen? I immediately booked a flight for tomorrow, getting in at noon. He got to the clinic, the cat was rushed to the back. I called my son and told him our Puffin had had feline infectious peritonitis (a deadly disease which kills the majority of infected cats) there is no cure, but our Puffin survived and lived to be 18.5 years old. I told him cats have nine lives, and his baby boy Leo was young and strong, he would make it through this! I told him to have hope and wait and see what the doctor says. I told him he did not cause the accident, but he may well have saved his Leo’s life by acting so quickly! The vet gave his adored baby Leo some emetics to make him vomit up the lily flowers. That was done. Then they did a blood test to determine the levels of kidney enzymes. If the kidney enzyme levels are elevated, it means that kidney damage has occurred. Thankfully, the levels were normal. So the little kitty was made to vomit up the offending flowers and his kidney enzyme levels were normal! I breathed a sigh of relief. I changed my flight to a later date. I talked to my son again. He was taking the kitty home, he was recovering, as was the cat. The vet actually told him that he saved the cat’s life by bringing him so quickly to the clinic!!! Leo is to go back to get his kidney enzyme levels done again on Monday. That will give him an absolutely clean bill of health. Fingers crossed!

I was at the mall, buying my Derby dress and hat and having a fun time… And all of a sudden… Oh my god, such upheaval. Of course these accidents can happen, but what floors me is his reaction, his saying to me that he wouldn’t survive if something happened to his most beloved Leonidas. I told him that he has to be stronger, things can happen, something may happen to me, to him, we all have to be strong and go on. At this point, he listened to me and said “Yes, you’re right.”

But his emotions, his feelings, his reactions, so extreme.

Are they so extreme, though? If something similar had happened to me at his age, I may well have reacted the same way, felt the same way. My side of the family, all of us are very intense, feel very intensely and our cats, our pets are very dear to us. And it is times like this when we realize exactly how dear and valuable they are.

Our sweet Puffin, at 18.5 years of age had to be put to sleep because she developed lymphoma. And this time, there was no miracle recovery. I held her as she took her last breath, I sang Mozart arias to her because she liked them. I was strong for he. Even my husband couldn’t stay. But I stayed with her. I was strong for her.

It seems I am strong and my strength is there for my son, my husband, my sister, my brother, my niece, my nephew, my aunts, uncle, my cousins, my friends. All the people I love beyond measure. And I will always be there for each and every one of them. No matter what happens. I don’t mean to be maudlin, not at all. I suppose this is just a way for me to reassure myself, that I am strong and I am strong for all my loved ones. Even though, sometimes having bipolar d/o makes me feel weak. I am not weak.

My Dearest Son, I offer you all the strength I have, I promise you I will always be there for you no matter what life brings our way.

Please be calm, be peaceful, be at ease. You too have my strength and you will handle all that life brings your way as well. Remember once you were very young and you were singing and I said “Oh Aral, you got my voice!” And you said “But mom, how will you talk then?” And I told you that even though you got my voice, I still have enough to speak. Just like that, you have my strength and I still have enough to be strong for you and with you. With all my love for you my Aral.