During the Holidays, everyone is heading home. What is a home? Is it simply where you live? The structure of walls, doors, and windows? Or is it more than that? Is it the place where your friends are? Is it, as they say, where the heart is? Is it the place where you feel happy, where your positive emotions reside with you? Is it familiar and well known, where you know all the places around and don’t feel like a stranger? Is it where your loved ones are close by? Yes, yes and yes. All yes. And I feel very sad and still am having a very difficult time having moved out of Buffalo.
Buffalo still feels like home, except I don’t have a home here. and after a year, Louisville still does not feel like home, and funnily enough I do have a home there. I have friends there, new friends. Friends I’ve made within the last year. Friends who are very welcoming and warm, but with whom I have no history. They haven’t known me since I was a preteen. They don’t know much about me. Maybe that’s better, haha! My friends in Buffalo are friends of my childhood days. There is such a connection here in Buffalo, I come back all the time and connect with my friends, but it is temporary, because in a week, in ten days, I leave again. It is a disjointed, disconnected, disassociated existence. I know full well I have a beautiful home in Louisville. I know I am fortunate and blessed that I have friends in Louisville and in Buffalo and that financially I can afford to visit Buffalo as I want to. Of course, Aral’s here. And sometimes I miss him terribly. I think I have no right to complain, everything is going well. Aral is doing so well in Law School, knock on wood! Our condo in Louisville has been totally renovated and is just beautiful. I am happy about that of course. I don’t know. Discontent seems to be the mood of the hour. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.