Up to me


Depression. It works that way. It robs you of your laughter. It makes you feel shaky and unsure, weak. You need more stimuli to feel good. My son called me and told me he got another A in his course this semester, that was a joyful moment! I got texts from my niece, those were joyful moments. Talked to my lovely girl friends, of course, wonderful! Saw some funny videos on FB, laughed. But, the internal happiness, contentedness, surety is gone. Replaced by a shakiness, a longing, a sadness, and sighs. I cannot rely on things outside of myself to make me happy, I have to find my own compass, my own solid ground. Who has time to be my vigilant guard? Everyone is busy, and rightly so, with their own lives. I have to do this for myself, calling my doctor is a good first step.

Damn it depression, snuck up on me again. Well, this time, as every other time, I’ll fight you and I will win. You don’t have any place here, you are not welcome here. Away with you, with your chest crushing weight, and darkness, lethargy, and stillness. Go! Be gone!

And let in the lightness, the airiness, the expansiveness, the “everything is well with the world” ness. Up to me, yes it is. But in a depression, not so easy to accomplish. Ok! That’s it! I’m bringing out the big guns!

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.”
Nelson Mandela

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
Thich Nhat Hanh

“When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.”

“The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being.”
Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

“Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
C.S. Lewis

“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia

5 thoughts on “Up to me

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