Sorry my friends, I know it’s time to increase the Lithium

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The stress of seeing my aunt so frail and ill, stress in general, has me visiting the land of manic behavior again. My emotions are exaggerated, intense. My voice volume has risen several decibels. People are actually leery of me as I must seem like a crazy woman on the warpath. I might have terrorized one of my sweetest friends and my friend Madiha, who is actually a psychiatrist, was having a difficult time “conversating” with me as my intensity level was off the charts.

I’m sorry my friends, I don’t mean to terrorize you, sadly sometimes I simply cannot help it. I value everyone of your friendship. I know you’ve been patient with me before, I beg your indulgence now. These blips in my mood catch me off guard and by the time I realize it’s happening, some damage has always been done 😦 I know it’s time to increase the Lithium, and I am increasing it tonight.

I know my friends don’t have to put up with this, they can simply go find another more normal person with whom to be friends, someone whose reaction intensity doesn’t frighten them. I know that. I am stuck with this illness, on the one hand it makes me ultra sensitive, able to feel intensely, but it also makes me react just as intensely to seemingly innocuous things. Maybe it’s like PTSD, where a loud noise will illicit the same response as bombs going off in a temporally distant war had. Or in my case. the noise doesn’t even have to be that loud, I just react intensely and loudly to all things if you catch me in my intense mood. Damn this mood disorder. Difficulties in life are enough to try one’s patience but having a mood disorder which can throw your emotions, and behaviors off, make your friends afraid of you, cause you yourself untold pain and suffering… because, you know, people can walk away from you, but you can’t walk away from yourself, no matter how much you may want to… Lithium, yes time to increase the Lithium! All will be well.

6 thoughts on “Sorry my friends, I know it’s time to increase the Lithium

  1. Years ago, I came across the expression: it’s empty and meaningless, and it’s empty and meaningless that it’s empty and meaningless. It doesn’t mean anything if you over-react or be loud or intense. It is a signal for you to take care of yourself, but your friends do not attach significance to mood swings. They only mean what you choose to make them mean. We humans are meaning-making machines. That’s good and bad. The bad is that we interpret things to mean things that hurt us and make us fearful. The good is that we can make things mean anything we want them to mean. Things do matter and things have consequences, but they hold no meaning in themselves. Intense reactions do mean that you feel deeply and are alive. Love you, girlfriend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you barb, for your amazing analysis! Yes most things can mean what you want them to mean and I guess you can put a positive or negative spin on almost anything. But when I make my beloved friends uncomfortable, or make them feel attacked, then I am definitely doing something wrong and do need to apologize, and hope that my beloved friends understand and forgive me. Love you too, Miss Barbara!

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