For some of us, life is fun and games, lightness and happiness, do you know how lucky you are? Very! For some of us, life is a burden, heavy and dismal. Why are some blessed and some cursed? What determines which one you are? Some people are so lucky to be well adjusted and happy, while others struggle and deal with the heartbreakingly intense emotions of failure, and profound sadness. The crazy thing is that it can be as simple as all chance, your parents were sane and didn’t abuse the hell out of you, you are also sane and well adjusted. You were not as lucky, your parents were insane and subjected you to unspeakable abuse, well you are damaged. Is there truly a way to heal yourself? I will see. I am sure going to give it my all.
-
Follow
Following
Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
Bipolar1Blog 
I’m rooting for you! In my own case, I have had to start thinking about it as an amputation with resultant phantom limb pain. After 30 years of therapy, trying to get over the damage done to me by a mother with Narcissistic/Borderline Personality Disorder, I finally realized that I was trying to make something healthy that didn’t exist. Namely, my self esteem, plus all the time lost in dissociated states. Add to this the years of trying to have “normal” relationships when I have no idea what “normal” looks or feels like, trying to be a good parent without any role models…well, Hell’s bells, girl, I just had to take a step back and forgive myself for not being able to wave my magic wand and get my missing limb back. So now I’m working on being a well adjusted amputee. Funny, because one of my weirdo lab jobs was to cut the limbs off of amphibians and study the way they grew back. Damn vivisectionists! I think of those amphibians with envy. Not three ones I cut up, the ones who lived in ponds and got away from predators by donating a limb, and got a new one. But, since that ain’t likely to happen, I’ll learn to live with what I’ve got. It may not be template-perfect, but it’s what’s on my plate.
I’m still rooting for you!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Laura what I’m going through right now is so painful that if I could cut out my heart I would. I don’t know why it always feels like heartbreak? I can’t breathe and I just feel awful. Maybe this is the storm before the calm. I really hope so, I cannot live like this. I am happy you are now in a stable place. Yeah to grow a new heart and a new brain with no flaws. Lucky amphibians, small brains and regenerating everything’s!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes a person has to reach a certain age, and a certain level of maturity, before the bombs of the past start to blow up all over the place. I was thirty, 5 months pregnant, and suddenly it all came together and it was literally tearing me into shreds, I wanted to reach in and yank my heart out….instead I ran, not walked, into Student Counseling and thus began this long journey…if you need to talk give me your email and I’ll send you my number…Is there somewhere you can go and scream….yes there is! Your car! That helps me immensely, just get in the car and drive someplace easy and scream!!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Funny you should say that but I feel like screaming sometimes. I am at my son’s apartment in Buffalo and being near him helps me immensely! The love I feel for him is a balm for my spirit. You have my email address. Saminaraza@hotmail.com
LikeLiked by 2 people
Xxxxoooo
LikeLiked by 1 person
(((Hugs))), Samina.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Kitt. How’re your mom and dad?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mom’s adjusting. Dad’s doing well. I’m busy managing their health and finances and caring for my son.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh so glad they’re both doing well! You are a good daughter and a great mom!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hugs for all of you too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I’m rooting for me too. I have a lot of life to live and my adorable son.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve just had, I think, five years clear of abuse flashbacks. And they only came back because of some other physical /medical stuff. I’m getting them under control again. I think if flashbacks can be managed, then there’s a good chance everything else can too. I’m sending you all possible good vibes. You can do it. I’m glad you’re with your kid xxx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much Blah! So sorry you went through this, but thrilled that you are getting it under control! And all my best wishes for you. Yes, it really helps to be with my adorable son 🙂 XOXO
LikeLiked by 2 people
I, too, root for you. The healing continues and is ongoing. Best of luck.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Kitt!! Xxxooo
LikeLiked by 1 person