Couldn’t really tell you why, but this year, the bottom has fallen out and I’ve landed straight in hell. This is not me. I am not this hopeless and terrified. I am not this anxious and panic stricken. I’ve lost 10 lbs in a week! This is bipolar. This is what this awful illness is doing to me. I’ve talked to my doctor and increased the lithium and the Seroquel. Now I need for these to kick in and take effect and for me to stop feeling so god awful, for me to start feeling better and more like myself. That day cannot come soon enough. I can’t wait to feel happy, calm, peaceful, not afraid for my beloved son.
This is what this horrible disease does to us. It makes us not ourselves. Always in crisis. Too many emotions, far too intense, so intense that it is literally painful. Don’t need it, don’t want it, go away bipolar, leave me alone!