The flashes of lightening, the bolts of thunder. The tornadoes, hurricanes, blizzards.
The hammering of my heart, the sickening rush of adrenaline in my veins. The terror of catastrophes.
Do I fight? Do I flee? And who do I fight, where do I take flight?
How can I leave behind the brain that tortures me? It comes with me wherever I go to escape it.
It doesn’t leave me alone.
Today it was brought to my attention in the starkest possible way, that I do indeed have an anxiety disorder. A major one.
Bipolar 1 disorder wasn’t enough, now major anxiety. Uncontrollable, unmanageable, for now.
I also felt relief, that I know. And knowledge is truly power. Abandonment: pretty well handled. Bipolar: managing, living. Anxiety? I will learn to manage, live with and eventually defeat it as well.
Strength is my middle name.