Storms in my mind

How do I calm the storms in my mind?

The flashes of lightening, the bolts of thunder. The tornadoes, hurricanes, blizzards. 

The hammering of my heart, the sickening rush of adrenaline in my veins. The terror of catastrophes. 

Do I fight? Do I flee? And who do I fight, where do I take flight?

How can I leave behind the brain that tortures me? It comes with me wherever I go to escape it. 

It doesn’t leave me alone. 

Today it was brought to my attention in the starkest possible way, that I do indeed have an anxiety disorder. A major one. 

Bipolar 1 disorder wasn’t enough, now major anxiety. Uncontrollable, unmanageable, for now. 

I also felt relief, that I know. And knowledge is truly power. Abandonment: pretty well handled. Bipolar: managing, living. Anxiety? I will learn to manage, live with and eventually defeat it as well. 

Strength is my middle name. 

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