It will take me through twisted, tortuous roads, it will show me in sickening, horrifying detail what can go wrong and convince me that it all will go wrong.
It will hijack my brain and my mind for half the day. Yes half the day. For the rest, it will grant me respite. I will be free to be me for the second half of the day. I will make the most of it. I will make plans of how to defeat anxiety tomorrow. “Get up, don’t listen to your thoughts, get out and go for a brisk walk. Set your coffee out on your bedside table and drink it the moment you open your eyes, watch something funny on YouTube, etc. etc…”
I won’t let it beat me. It’s not real. And then the thought sneaks in: Isn’t it real? Aren’t all those things possible? God if anyone is a master at playing mind games, head games, it is anxiety. And I hate it that it’s using my head as the playing field.
Tomorrow I will go home and I will be the unwilling star player in this god awful, sick, twisted game. All the while, I’d rather be dancing. 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻