Read a VERY disturbing post :((

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I wrote a whole post just now and all of a sudden my iPad went black and I lost all of it. Well maybe that’s an omen for not writing about this subject, but since I don’t believe in omens, I’m starting all over again.

It’s about somebody else’s post that I read. It was easily one of the most horrific things I have ever read about in my life. This person also has bipolar disorder and they were writing about their family. What I read about, abuse, alcoholism, extreme violence, was so horrific that I was literally left speechless and I couldn’t even post a comment.

When I started this blog, it was to bring attention to mental illness. I was basically saying that if a person like me could have mental illness, then anyone could. And yes, anyone can. The purpose was to remove the stigma from mental illness. The purpose was to come out of hiding and talk about this illness. The purpose was for people to stop suffering in silence and hiding the fact that they have mental illness. If I break my rib (which I did once) I get get well cards and flowers and gifts. Do I when I get sick with either a depressive or manic phase? No I don’t. Not a complaint, just an observation. I know there can be horrific occurrences in families where mental illness is prevalent, I mean just look at movies that Hollywood produces. In reality, mentally ill people perpetrate much, much less violence than the “normal” population. But that’s not the point. The point is that this post form a blog written by a bipolar person was so incredibly disturbing that I literally feel traumatized by it. I apologize abjectly if I made anyone feel awful after they read any of my posts!

I mean, on the one hand, it was so violent and heinous that it is making me rethink my decision to have started my blog. On the other hand, there was so much strength and, amazingly enough, love and grace in it, that it seems to vindicate blogs about mental illness, even if they are extremely disturbing.

I don’t know. I feel upset and confused. I am not a dark person. I am a light, go and get em, never give up, the glass is always half full, dancing, flower loving, Zumba dancing, laughing, joking kind of person, normally, with a little hint of Lucille Ball thrown in. This abject darkness is a bit too much for me to handle. Isn’t the road to hell paved with good intentions, and I had so many good intentions when I started this blog.

I think for a while I will not be reading anything that looks the least bit depressing and for a while I will write only about the science of mental illness. That’s nice and happy, right?

5 thoughts on “Read a VERY disturbing post :((

  1. I am *so* sorry this happened!!!!!!! I had something terrible happen through reading blogs too – but we mustn’t let those awful experiences keep us from blogging. It took me time to release my disgust and depression, but those feelings softened over a couple weeks and I know the same came happen for you too, in lesser time.

    Your blog is OUTSTANDING and I want everyone to know about it!
    It has such breadth and depth & I haven’t even read every post yet – you offer the pragmatic (i.e. lithium – I love that post!) to your family’s incredibly moving & amazing history. It’s one of the best blogs I’ve read and the only reason I haven’t read the whole thing is that I’ve been sick, exhausted and overwhelmed the past month ever since I had the great fortune to discover it! I am happy to know it exists so I can catch up with your life over the holidays.

    I implore you to keep writing. Please stay away from the blogs that are too depressing. Protect yourself. You know how much power words have. I don’t mean to sound selfish but I cannot read anything upsetting right now – not even a little bit – no suicide or abuse or self-harm etc. I’m not helping those bloggers by reading their work, and I’ll be hurting myself –
    it’s not worth it.

    I want lightness, I want hope – I don’t mean to sugarcoat things, but I’ve been through enough hell. I know you understand. It hinders me to read very disturbing blogs, and I’ll be of no help to anyone if I read them.

    So again, keep writing. Write about whatever you want!!! Whatever lifts you up!

    xoxoxxox
    your fan!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you dear Dyane! For your kind words and understanding. Please don’t read things that upset you, like you said, it upsets you and helps no one. I truly have been through some hell of my own, but I chose to simply mention what happened to me and not be really graphic and violent. We both need to protect ourselves, be true to ourselves and write the truth but not make it graphic or melodramatic. I know your blog is very positive and informational. Many xxxoooo for you too. Samina.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well…I’m really sorry you got triggered by that post. There’s a big debate about trigger warnings so that people who don’t want to read things like that can stop before they get emotionally beat up. I guess what happened to you is a good reason to do that.

    Many of us who have trauma in our lives find it extremely therapeutic to share those things. It can be cathartic, and others who have had similar experiences can feel validated and share. Many of us have been threatened by our families, the perpetrators (and often our families ARE the perpetrators), not to tell. Often we have been told that we imagined the whole thing (this is called gaslighting) or that we brought it on ourselves, or “asked for it.” It helps us to get a grounding in reality to tell our stories. But I totally understand that those stories might be extremely traumatic if someone stumbled upon them unsuspecting and gets hit in the face with something that knocks then out of orbit. I truly understand that. I hope your experiences are better! I should warn you that although my recent posts have not been so explicit, some of the earlier ones were, and there might be some pretty dark ones coming up. Blessings to you for love and light!
    –Laura

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Laura! Your supportive, understanding, positive words are always helpful to me. I understand why someone would want to post about awful things and I don’t blame them. I too have posted about my own abuse when u was a child. I actually don’t even remember this post and I am not going to read it again. We all go through bad times and sharing them makes it easier. So keep posting. And I thank you too for your love and light.

      Liked by 1 person

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