I always think I can do anything! I mean I learnt Turkish at the age of 28, I cook all kinds of food, gourmet to street, I blog, I take photographs, I indoor garden, I designed my kitchen and whole condo when it was being renovated and then decorated it all, I… well you get it… So it’s very difficult for me to admit that I can’t do something, picture a frowning face with lips sticking out. Well I had a solo song in the musical called “BUSTER” that I am in. But because it was written in the wrong key for me, and because I panicked and got awful stage fright while singing, as well as the “music director” (snort) was not willing to help me in any way, when I sang the song, it came out squeaky and weak. So I blew it. It also didn’t help that we were in a small room and the pianist was banging on the piano so loudly that even if I had a megaphone, I wouldn’t have been heard. And the other 4 out of 5 principle actors are professional singers, so their voices are out of this world. But ultimately, I can’t blame anyone else, I am the one who didn’t sing the song strongly enough. I feel as if something that was mine has been taken away from me. I seriously have an issue about not being heard, must be from childhood. I didn’t have a voice as a child, abused children seldom do. So this cuts deep and cuts raw in some ways. Literally, my song has been taken away from me. I can sing the song pretty well, I do it at home all the time. But if a tree falls in the forest with no one to hear it, does it make a noise? Hahaha. Fine, I admit, my singing is not as strong as it needs to be to sing in a musical with singers who have voices that will blow you away. The lead actor sang on Broadway!

Anyway, my song has been changed into my monologue. Now, with my monologue, I feel confident and strong, and I will blow people away! So, wow, hunh, who knew? but things turned out right! As Buster would say: “God works in mysterious ways!” And I still sing 20+ songs with everyone else.

This is the first time I am in a musical. People are expected to pick up songs, dances, like they have always been singing these songs and dancing these steps. You have to be extremely extroverted and sure of yourself, and when I am not sure of myself, I become a squeaky little mouse. So even though I wasn’t successful at singing publicly, I did learn what it takes to be in a musical and if I ever try again (someone kick me if I do 😉 ) I will be much more likely to be successful at it.

So, yes a disappointment, but not a failure, I’ll consider it a learning experience. And yes, lesson learned, I can’t do everything, only almost everything, hahaha… Now I’m off to perfect my monologue 🙂 That I can do!