The story before the graduation, it looked like there was not going to be anyone to celebrate with! My brother was supposed to arrive at 9:30 am the day of the graduation, they bumped him off his flight from NYC to Buffalo, and he couldn’t get another one. My sister missed her flight from LA to Buffalo due to a traffic jam, and couldn’t get another flight to Buffalo. My niece (the soon to be Cardiologist) was going to drive in from Philadelphia, and something came up so she couldn’t come. A few of my friends could not make it, and I had no idea how many of my son’s friends were coming.
The night before the graduation, my son was going to visit his old friends across the street from our old house and for some reason that triggered so much anxiety in me that I could barely breath. My anxiety told me something AWFUL was going to happen, I could barely breathe, everyone was asleep, it was me alone with my anxiety and panic, me alone against my anxiety and panic. I texted and called my son, but he didn’t answer. I cannot tell you the awful anxious, panicked state I was in… I calmed myself down, I took 125 mg of Seroquel instead of 100 mg. And went to bed, the next morning, I awoke groggy from the Seroquel, took a cold shower, dressed and went to pick up my son, he, of course, was fine! My anxiety does not run the world, has no effect on it whatsoever, just shortens my life, if anything. So off we went to the Center for the Arts at the SUNY Amherst Campus, where the Law School Commencement was held. I even got a few pictures of my son and his girlfriend backstage 🙂
I just put the thought of that awful, horrible anxiety from last night out of my mind, and attacked the day with vigor, elation and pride! My husband cried so much as my son passed us by in the procession to the stage. I thought I was going to cry, but I forgot to cry a lot because I was so busy comforting him, hahaha.
My brother, upon learning that he had no seat on his flight, got in his car at 6:30 am in NYC and made it to Buffalo for the Commencement. My sister arrived in time for the dinner the night of the commencement! My niece texted and talked to all of us from Philly. So it all turned out in the end. It also gave me ammunition against my anxiety and panic attacks, I can refute what my anxiety says, I can refute the catastrophization binge that my anxiety takes me on. Oh lord, please go away anxiety and never darken my door again!
So it was just life, and it all turned out fine, and I have to have faith in the life I, my husband and my son and all my beloved family have built. Yes my… our past has been FULL of tragedy, but that doesn’t mean our present and future has to be, or will be. So take that anxiety!