Disquietude…

img_0120In my last post (https://bipolar1blog.com/2016/07/20/depression-or-lithium-dullness/) I described how dull, blank and lethargic I had been feeling of late, and I hoped it would change. Well today, it seems to have changed, however not in the direction I had hoped it would. Ah yes, isn’t that the way it usually happens… Instead of feeling bright and energetic like I’d wished I would, I actually feel quite anxious and a bit restless and don’t really know what to do with myself. 😦 There is a sort of nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach, and just a feeling of unease. I am still in Buffalo, with my son, who is studying for his Bar exam. So many disquieting things happening these days. And there is nothing I can do about any of them. Whether my son passes the bar or not, nothing I can do about it. I’m here, helping him as much as I can, but that is the extent of what I can do, the rest is up to him…

Whether, and this my nightmare!!! Trump gets elected or not, nothing I can do about it. Move to Canada? Yes that would really be my preference, but seriously, I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Whether Turkey, under the dictatorship of that awful Erdogan, becomes more and more Islamist, nothing I can do about it. I am absolutely a Kemalist, a follower of Mustafa Kemal Ataturk. And this Erdogan has literally, actively ruined this beautiful, once modern and prosperous country, my adopted country, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Did I mention there are 50 nuclear warheads in the NATO base in Incirlik, Turkey, these are now under the control of this vile Erdogan. And yes, there’s nothing I can do about it.

Just all disquietude and anxiety. Is it my state of mind? Is it due to my illness? Or is it due to what’s happening in the world? All of the above? I don’t know, but yesterday’s blankness would be welcome right about now.

4 thoughts on “Disquietude…

  1. The stuff in Turkey is really scary. In the US, so sad and disturbing with all the people shooting police and the political stuff. A lot the be anxious about. For me, I have to limit my exposure to the media because it affects my emotions too much. I think that’s due to my mental illness, or being an empath. It’s good to keep writing about it. I think writing is very therapeutic.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It does sound like “all of the above.” It’s all so overwhelming. I’ve learned that if worrying about something won’t produce a solution, then I put that worry aside. Most of the time it works, sometimes it’s all just too much. I hope you find your way out from under all of the anxiety.

    Liked by 1 person

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