It’s odd, even at the beginning of a manic phase, when you are feeling like hell, everything is setting off your fight or flight response*, your emotions are off the charts, of course it is all fear driven and you are not functioning well at all, there are times, minutes, even hours, when you can function normally. I went to a Mehndi (the henna ceremony the day before the wedding) of one of my best friend’s daughters. Yes, there were moments of almost panic and tears, but I kept them at bay and talked and laughed for hours and DANCED for about three hours! I love dancing, I think if I could dance everyday, I would never be depressed and maybe not manicky either.

It was a lovely respite from the awful emotional fire and thunderstorms lately in my mind.

Tonight is the wedding, and the only problem I’m thinking about right now is how I’m going to dance with a sari on!


* Fight or flight response is your body’s physiological response to life threatening situations, as in you are taking a walk and a lion, a band of machine gun toting guerrillas, or gorillas come up on you, or any other life threatening situation happens. Your fight or flight is activated, adrenalin surges through your body, your heart starts pounding, you are ready to fight or flee for your life. There are times when this is needed. However, when it keeps getting activated either because of mania or even depression or mixed phases, due to inconsequential things, basically everything becomes catastrophic, it is very, very difficult to deal with.

6 thoughts on “Respite

  1. You are a paragon of the phrase, “Suit up and show up!” Distraction is good! You are an inspiration in self-care. I probably would have pulled the covers over my head and waited for the meds to kick in.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it’s a really interesting phenomenon that we–those with bipolar disorder–have to keep enjoyment at bay; that either the ups or downs can cause a good amount of anxiety. It’s hard not to run when a version of yourself we all try to hid starts to creep the cracks. It’s helluva a lot harder to do it when you have to go for a friend or family member. Kudos.

    Liked by 1 person

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