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URGENT: Help us protect mental health medications in Medicare Part D! And SHARE, SHARE, SHARE!

VOTE mental health

Go to this address and ask your senators to keep medications for mental health protected under Medicare Part D. http://cqrcengage.com/nami/app/lookup?3&m=15777

Below is the information and is from this link on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/InternationalBipolarFoundation?fref=nf)

Help us protect mental health medications in Medicare Part D!

Senators Charles Grassley, R-Iowa, and Sherrod Brown, D-Ohio, introduced the bipartisan Medicare Formulary Improvement Act (S. 648) last week to protect mental health medications in Medicare Part D. These medications are crucial in the treatment of illnesses like schizophrenia, depression, and bipolar disorder.

Currently these medications are in a “protected class” ensuring that when a doctor prescribes them they will not be subject to a denial based on things like cost.

So why do we need this bill?

You may remember last year that there was an attack on the “protected class” designation by the Federal Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS). In order to make sure that these life-saving medications remain in a “protected class” free from repeal you must raise your voice in support of this bill.

Contact your Senators TODAY asking them to co-sponsor this critical legislation. http://cqrcengage.com/nami/app/lookup?3&m=15777

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Not Just Others.

not just others

Not just others, it is we who have and suffer from mental illnesses. Yes it is more difficult to know what a person with schizophrenia experiences with their illness. The following link to a video shows what a schizophrenic person hears in a psychotic, which means out of touch with reality, phase. And it is literally terrifying. The voices, the words, the tone of voice, how could anyone function like that? They can’t. I have a friend who suffers from schizophrenia and while I did know that neurons in their auditory cortex fire and make these voices, until today I did not know their experience was so horrifying and their mind had turned on them in such a cruel way!  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qb8wQjwVu2g)

People with BPD 1 (bipolar disorder 1) also can be psychotic, that doesn’t mean they are psychos, again it means someone out of touch with reality. Oh so fortunately, people with BPD 1 do not hear voices. Thank goodness, the only voices I’ve heard are real voices, thank goodness a thousand times for that. People with Schizo-Affective disorder do hear voices, this is a combination of BPD 1 and schizophrenia. Some psychiatrists think this is just plain schizophrenia. So while we people with BPD 1 can get suicidally depressed, insanely manic, we still have the lesser of the two evil diseases.

There are a plethora of videos that show people who are manic and depressed. And yes they show how we are acting on the outside, talking 100 miles per minute, jumping from topic to topic, having delusions of grandeur, all in mania; crying, being hopeless, anxious, expressing suicidal ideation, all in depression. They do not show how we are feeling on the inside. Depression is especially painful, it is like someone literally broke your heart into pieces and it hurts. And pure mania is exhilarating and joyful. If your thoughts weren’t so scattered, you might actually come up with some brilliant ideas. Mixed phases aren’t so much fun because anxiety predominates in these. I unfortunately have mostly mixed phases, but that may have been because I was on SSRI’s (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) and now that I’m off them, hopefully I won’t have mixed phases, my hope and prayer.

Anyway, the point of this post is to of course reiterate that it’s not others who have mental illness and also to give my readers an idea of what it feels like to have these extremely awful diseases. Maybe now people will respect and understand people with mental illness as strong people who are fighting battles daily with their illness and hopefully winning. That is the intent of this post.

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Clint Malarchuk’s Amazing Commitment to Getting and Staying Better!

clint cowboy clint cowboy

My second interview with Clint Malarchuk, posted on 2/24/15 (link below*) is pretty amazing all on it’s own, in it’s full length! In this post, I have chosen some things that Clint said that struck me as quite profound and just talked a little about those passages. Clint is amazingly intuitive, intelligent and insightful. He is also incredibly committed to doing everything in his power to stay healthy. I have learned a lot from him in just the two interviews I’ve done. I hope this post will be helpful and insightful for many. I hope he writes more books, I sincerely believe he has a lot more to tell us and teach us. Thank you Clint for doing the interviews. Best Wishes and Happy Trails 🙂  http://www.malarchuk.com/

* https://bipolar1blog.wordpress.com/2015/02/24/clint-malarchuk-an-amazing-follow-up-interview-by-samina-raza/

“Like stress, when I start getting stressed out, that’s when I have to take the extra time to check in with myself. I’m not sure if I told you last time, my tools are a 12 step program, I meditate and pray everyday and I try to exercise. I have a workout routine that I try to do every day. Those things keep me balanced.”

This is pure insight and introspection and an amazing commitment to his health. This is just so impressive, it is clear that he is going to stay healthy. Every avenue you can think of that one can take in the quest for good mental health, Clint is taking here.

“I find that my animals, I have a little dog, and she is my emotional support. When I meditate, I lay down and the cat lays on my belly and the dog curls up beside me, it is very relaxing.”

They have depression dogs now, it seems Clint knew all about the healing power of animals before they were being given little sweaters and allowed on planes. I observed to him that animals pull out the love from inside of us, and Clint conceded, he said “Yes you can call it love, it simplifies things.” Doesn’t it though.

“I’m really in to animals. And people have always said that, when I work on horses for my business, the horses that no one can really get close to, I just walk up to them. And people say “How did you do that, what are you doing? This horse is always afraid of people!” I believe in your energy, we all have it. We’re animals just like they are, so I really believe that my energy is really confident with animals, so they respond to me.”

Clint observes, and quite rightly so that humans are animals, so horses respond to our energy, actually the energy of confidence. Who knows, maybe that’s how people choose their mates, sensing their energy and if it is compatible, well then they are the chosen ones for each other.

“Well I’m a big proponent of you are being treated because you’re sick. You’re not weak. And if you’re chemically imbalanced, whether it’s your pancreas/diabetes or if it’s your brain/serotonin, it doesn’t matter.”

How’s that for profound? People, mental illness is a physical illness. It involves your brain and it involves imbalances in your neurotransmitters. So don’t sweat  it, go see your psychiatrist, get your medications, and get better! No stigma, no shame, no hiding. Just do it!

“Yes, right. But don’t forget, it takes a long time to be on those medications before they either kick in if they’re going to work, or you figure out “Oops they don’t work, I have to try something else.”

This is quite another gem, don’t forget it took a long time for the medication to work. So if you have to come off it, it’ll probably take a long time for the withdrawal symptoms to go away. How insightful is that!

“I have to be kind to myself and remind myself I deserve to be happy. “

This is indeed profound. Who doesn’t need to learn this lesson? How many people, mentally ill or not, are self loathers? Shouldn’t compassion start with oneself? If you can’t be kind to yourself, then how can you genuinely be kind to another?

“I think that growing up in turmoil that anxiety was the norm for me. And sometimes, if I’m not feeling anxious, I feel like I have to think of something to worry about, to get anxious.”

This is truly a gem! Why is there always a nagging voice inside my head making me anxious, even when there isn’t anything to be anxious about? Yes it could very well be that I grew up in a very anxious environment. When things are calm, you miss the anxious adrenalin rush. This is also the definition of an anxiety disorder. So which came first, the anxiety disorder or the anxious environment? No matter. We have to realize that we are in a way, addicted to anxiety. That our minds/brains search for reasons to be anxious. That is probably the beginning, the birth of peace and calm. And not just realize, but really stay on our medication. Again, Clint says just that.

“Helping each other, that’s what it’s all about!”

Such truth in this statement. What else is life about if not helping each other? Are we here to amass diamonds? They’re just glittery stones. Are we here to build ourselves gigantic mansions? How much room de we need to live in? Are we here to be in exclusive clubs. communities, wear exclusive clothes? Well, at least in my book, we are here to be inclusive and just like Clint says: “Help each other.”

Also, how committed he is to his health is astounding! He exercises, meditates, prays, goes to AA  (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings, checks in with himself as to why he is feeling bad or anxious, and he sees his doctors regularly and takes his medications. If this isn’t the recipe to Mental Health, I don’t know what is.

“To me it’s like a course in life. Because it’s not just about not drinking. The 12 steps are a lot deeper than that.”

That’s what Clint says about AA. He also believes, as they teach in AA, in a higher power. You have to admit that you are powerless against ____, fill in the blank, it’s your substance of abuse. Or for me Clint suggests it could be “Life” or “Moods” that I am powerless against. Then if you follow the 12 steps, allow your higher power to assist you, you will be victorious over your addiction/illness.

“So I have to communicate that to loved ones that this is what I need to do.”

Also when you are doing all these healthy things, communication with your loved ones is crucial! And not only communication, but their support for the healthy things and for the essential things you are doing to keep yourself healthy. When we have our loved ones’ support, aren’t we more likely to be successful?  And if they love us, then why wouldn’t they give us support?

“And that’s the creatures of habit! If we’re going to change habits, we have to replace them with other habits.”

This one is extremely powerful. In order to get rid of old bad habits, you have to replace them with new, healthier, good habits. How many of us try to do this but end up going back to our bad habits, because we did not replace them with new healthy habits. We may know this and have forgotten it, or we may be seeing this for the first time. Thank you Clint!

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DENIAL

PyramidsGizaNileInFlood_1 Not just a river in Egypt 🙂

Denial. Everyone goes through it to some degree in any illness. But in mental illness, it is especially a factor. It’s quite hard to deny an x-ray showing someone they have a lung tumor. But it is not difficult at all to deny that you have a mental illness. First of all mental illness affects the very organ you use to discern what is real and what is not, namely your brain. Also, sometimes being out of touch with reality (as in mania, schizophrenia, deep depression) is something you don’t remember. So while in the throes of the worst stages of mental illness, you don’t remember those periods. When you come out of those phases where you’ve lost touch with reality, the memory of that is not there. In which case it’s easy to deny that you have mental illness. Also, mental illness is experiencing extreme moods, extreme sensitivity, sometimes it’s normal to experience extreme moods. So mentally ill people, sometimes don’t realize they have a mental illness. They do not have insight (see the following post on INSIGHT I posted on 2/3/2015: https://wordpress.com/post/72261148/792/) Insight is the ability to realize that the things you’ve been thinking, doing, aren’t the real YOU. It’s the mental illness that is making you feel and do these things. For example, you are having wild moods, angry, weepy, depressed, belligerent, you are even picking up objects and throwing them at people you are angry at. This is not normal behavior for you. When your dose of medicine has been adjusted, you look back and think “Wow, who was that in my body? Why was I doing all those insane things?” THIS is insight. And that is the end of denial. And until you stop denying that you have a mental illness and start going to see your doctor, start taking your medication, MOST IMPORTANT is the medication, you will not be free of your mental illness. Just like an alcoholic has to stop denying that they are an alcohol addict, and admit that alcohol is in fact a big problem in their life, once they stop denying that and accepting it, then they can start treatment and take steps to be free of their illness. Just like that, a mentally ill person, after they stop denying that they have a mental illness and start going to see a psychiatrist and taking their medication, after this step, they can get counseling on how to deal with a mental illness, they can exercise, meditate, do yoga, anything that will relieve stress and for people with bipolar d/o, keep their mood in the normal range, this is absolutely, positively grand!

When I first became sick, went into a suicidal depression, at first I had no idea what was happening to me. But when the doctor told me I had major depression, I accepted it. And yes, there were times, in the midst of manic phases, when I didn’t know I was sick, but there would always come a time, even in the most lalaland phases, I would realize that I was very sick. And so this insight has helped me cope with my illness much better than if I didn’t possess it. In that sense, I count myself lucky, that I have this insight.

So no denial and lots of insight are the prescription for a better outcome for people who have mental illnesses.

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What’s a Girl to Do?

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Well, first they come and tell you we don’t know if you have bipolar d/o or unipolar depression, so here take this antidepressant and you’ll be fine. Then you go into a full blown manic phase, with delusions, hallucinations, total insomnia. Then they say “Oops, you have bipolar disorder, you have to take lithium.” So you go on lithium with added antidepressants only when you’re feeling depressed. So mood stabilizers such as Lithium Carbonate all the time and increased dose for manis, antidepressants, in your case selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), for you it’s Zoloft. Then when you get used to this regime, Lithium Carbonate maintenance dose. Lithium Carbonate increased dose for manic episode. Zoloft + Lithium Carbonate for depression, they change the rules. Now no more SSRI antidepressants, ever! SSRI’s increase the likelihood of cycling, meaning going though depressed and manic phases. So done, gone, nada. Now what do you do when you into a depressed phase? Well there are selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (can’t take them, make be burst with anxiety), there are other mood stabilizers such as Abilify or Depakote (can’t take them, bad side effects), there are Amphetamine derivatives such as Adderall (can’t take them, baaaad side effects.) What does that leave? Maybe, seriously, I have to think about MAOI’s. The monoamine oxidase inhibitors. These don’t inhibit the reuptake of neurotransmitter, they actually inhibit the enzyme (monoamine oxidase) that breaks down neurotransmitters, so there are more neurotransmitter molecules available for neurons. This is good! Unfortunately however, you cannot eat anything aged when you are on MAOI’s, which means no wine, cheese, and other yummy foods. I would try these though if a depressive phase was so bad that I couldn’t function. My friend swears by one called Parnate. This class of antidepressants had been shown to alleviate depression in people who may be otherwise drug resistant. Hmmm, maybe, if I go into a severe depression, I’ll ask my psychiatrist to prescribe Parnate or one of the other MAOI’s. I guess that’s what a girl’s supposed to do. Or a boy for that matter.

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GRACE

This is a poem I wrote on November 21, 2008.

PalestineWILLbefree's avatarPalestine WILL Be Free

image

Grace

Last night in my dream, I saw you

You were there, in my sanctuary, my idyll, where the sun shone bright and there was the sound of sweet birdsong.

You were there in my shelter, where the storm clouds had passed, and the day, bright and sweet, newly dawned.

Flowers with adorable faces of children here grow, throwing playful glances your way, you are free to rest and play, to let you know.

Here my father sun’s golden rays warm me, they caress my face as a mother’s hand caresses her child newly born.

Here Mother Earth supports me with her gentle, quiet, sustaining strength, so I can rest my bones so careworn.

Here, in this place, where a peaceful, gurgling river flows, I came last night to see if I could find you full of hope.

I had been looking for you for so long, yet till last…

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Self Compassion

LAO TZU

Self compassion: To treat yourself with love and patience. To not condemn yourself. To treat yourself as you would a very beloved child. People make mistakes, everyone does. It doesn’t help to be angry at yourself, it doesn’t help to denigrate your self. How do you think is the best way to teach someone? By yelling and screaming at them, basic training style? Or by being patient and benevolent towards them? The whole point of basic training in the army is to lose your sense of self. You no longer exist, only a subordinate, obedient, robot, who, when the sergeant says “Jump!” only says “How high sir?” You don’t question anything, you just do as you are told. This may be, tragically, how things have to be in the Armed Forces, but it is not the way civilian life is lived. We are all individuals, and we celebrate that individuality. People aren’t brow beaten or worse physically beaten to learn something. Also, if someone makes a mistake, there is no corporal punishment. Ideally, they would be told that everyone makes mistakes and not to worry. If we believe that that is how a person is to be treated, with compassion, patience and love, if we believe that, then why don’t we believe that we also deserve this treatment. I have a cat and she is going to be 20 years old in June! I would NEVER dream of yelling at her. I treat her with the utmost love and affection. I cherish her because she is my sweetest little one and now because I don’t know how much longer she will be here. In short, I absolutely adore this kitty of mine. Now do I deserve the same treatment from me as my cat gets? Or do I call myself stupid when I make a mistake and get really angry at myself?

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Truthfully, I think I am always too easy on myself and other people (is there something as too easy?) Maybe that’s why I’m not as disciplined as I should be. Wait, how much should I be? Uh oh, here I go “shoulding” on myself haha.

But seriously, wouldn’t it be great if we could hold ourselves in a loving embrace, figuratively speaking, and treat ourselves with warm compassion instead of anger, dislike and even self hatred? Do you think you hack a plant to pieces in a rage, that it would grow and flower for you? Umm no. What if you treated a plant like a beloved being, watering, pruning, even talking to it. Would it grow and bloom in this instance? Plants are living beings like we are. If love and compassion and care makes them flourish, what would it do for us?

Below is from the following website I found: http://www.mindfulselfcompassion.org/ They have workshops all over the country about Mindful Self Compassion. They also have books they recommend. Links below.

Mindful self-compassion is the foundation of emotional healing—being aware (mindfulness) in the present moment when we’re struggling with feelings of inadequacy, despair, confusion, and other forms of stress and responding with kindness and understanding (self-compassion). Mindful self-compassion also means holding difficult emotions—fear, anger, sadness, shame and self-doubt—and ourselves, in loving awareness, leading to greater ease and well-being in our daily lives.

***Mindful self-compassion can be learned by anyone. It’s the practice of repeatedly evoking good will toward ourselves especially when we’re suffering—cultivating the same desire that all living beings have to live happily and free from suffering. And as the Dalai Lama says, self-compassion is the first step toward compassion for others.*** Love this!

Books

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Judging-Yourself-Embrace-Being/dp/0061733512/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288576732&sr=1-6

The Mindful Path to Self Compassion: http://www.guilford.com/books/The-Mindful-Path-to-Self-Compassion/Christopher-Germer/9781593859756 

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CLINT MALARCHUK: An Amazing Follow Up Interview By Samina Raza.

Clint  Clint

A really AMAZING interview with an incredibly amazing man, Clint Malarchuk. He is the author of a remarkable book called “A Matter of Inches.”

And please take a look at Clint’s website: http://www.malarchuk.com

(Also please see my first interview with him here: https://bipolar1blog.wordpress.com/2014/12/24/clint-malarchuk-interview-by-samina-raza/ )

He is a philosopher, and has a deep understanding of his illness, and what it takes to stay well. He truly understands life in general! Thank you Clint. All my best wishes. So happy to know you! It starts below.

Hi Clint, it’s so wonderful to talk to you again. How are you? Thank you so much for your response to my interview, I was so happy to get your message. I think the interview went really well last time, but I realized that I never asked you any questions about how everything is now…

C: I’ve been busy. Traveling quite a bit and public speaking about mental health, getting busier. Mostly in Ontario and Alberta.. Oh I get it, you mean where I’m at today. Yes, I can talk about that.

How are you doing now, moods, anxiety, mental health?

C: I would say that I’m doing very well today. You know that part of it is educating yourself and through experience you learn when you’re starting to struggle. Like stress, when I start getting stressed out, that’s when I have to take the extra time to check in with myself. I’m not sure if I told you last time, my tools are a 12 step program, I meditate and pray everyday and I try to exercise. I have a workout routine that I try to do every day. Those things keep me balanced. Now I can say that when I feel like I’m stressed out, and I’m starting to maybe slide into obsessive thinking or anxiety especially, it’ll get me so anxious, then I have to take my time and I double up on my medication, because sometimes my habit is to rush through and plow through everything and now I’ll take a step back and I’ll take the time to meditate, to bring my anxiety level down and then I can approach the problem or the stress or what ever is going in my life, whatever is the stressful situation a lot better and a lot clearer.

Oh wow! That’s amazing! Guess what, you just answered ALL of my question. Ok, we’re done. Haha.

C: Haha. It’s almost one question: how are you doing today and what keeps you in the healthy range. I make it sound easy but sometimes it’s not. When your anxiety gets going, it’s hard to just say “Ok, I’m going to go meditate then,” and find a quiet place. You’re trying to meditate and your mind just keeps bouncing back to what you’re trying to forget and ground yourself and center yourself. So it’s not always easy. I don’t want to make it sound like “Oh, I’m doing great because all I do is this and this.” And also the medication I’m taking is in my system and it helps me.

Are you on anti-anxiety medicines, like a benzodiazepine?

C: No. antidepressants. I take Cymbalta. And I take Seroquel, I take it at night because it helps me fall asleep. I take a 100 mg.

Ha! I take 125 mg of Seroquel.

C: Yes. But judging from Facebook and your blog posts, when they come up, I think: when does this lady sleep? So are you a night owl?

I am, I am a night owl. I go to sleep, for example at 3 am and then stay asleep, I’m not working right now, so there’s no reason for me to get up early. So then I get up around 11 am, sometimes noon. It’s BAD! I feel like i’m a teenager.

C: Some people, I think are wired differently. My wife, she gets up at 3:30 or 4’o’clock in the morning. She is a figure skating teacher and she goes up to the rink and they’re on the ice at 6 or 6:30 am. She doesn’t have to get up that early, but she does. She likes to take her time. She says it’s quiet. I can relate to that. There are a lot of people who like the quiet of the morning.  My sister’s like you, she goes to bed late.

How about you?

C: I can go to bed at 9 pm and get up at 7 ‘o’clock.

Wow, that is so wonderful! I wish I could do that! I don’t take my Seroquel till I am done with everything, like posting on my blog. I’m sure if I took it at 9 pm, I’d be asleep by 10 pm. I’m going to do that.

C: You take Seroquel? And what else do you take?

Yes I take Seroquel. And then of course, I take the mainstay for bipolar disorder, which is Lithium. I take everything at night, all at one time.

C: My sister’s like you, she’ll clean the whole house at night.

I feel very creative at night, it seems like my mind works better at night. And in the morning, I don’t want to wake up. Don’t wake me up, please. Haha.

C: I’m like you in that, maybe it’s because of the medication I’m on, I have a hard time waking up. I need a lot of coffee. I drink a whole pot. Over a couple of hours, I’ll drink a whole pot of coffee. And then I’m ready to go, but till then I have a hard time. Don’t let society make you feel bad. There are a lot of people who do better at night, they stay awake till 3 in the morning, they go to bed late. There’s nothing wrong with that. Who says that’s wrong?

As long as you don’t have to go to work.

C: Yeah. Well if you have to go to work and you have to be there at 8’o’clock in the morning, well then… But if you have your own schedule, then what the heck. You know? Society again, just like with mental illness, stigma, society, lets not let society dictate to us.

I agree with you. And you really answered all my question! The next one I was going to ask was “How are you keeping well?” And you answered that. The next one was “Are you on medication?” and you answered that. The next one is: Is exercise and nutrition important? And what do you do for exercise?

C: You know I used to lift weights a lot, but now as I am older, I am careful with my joints. I’ve got dumb bells. I do TRX, it’s straps, a suspension system. They hang from something up high. You can see it on youtube. It’s cardio and muscles. I do that with dumb bells and in my barn, I punch a bag a lot. 

Yes, ok, you look like you’re in really good shape. And you horseback ride, right?

C: Yes, I’m glad you brought that up, because I find that my animals, I have a little dog, and she is my emotional support. When I meditate, I lay down and the cat lays on my belly and the dog curls up beside me, it is very relaxing. Petting them, and hearing the cat purr and the dog all cuddled up, that all kind of gives you that calming feeling. So they’re therapeutic. And of course, when I ride, that’s therapeutic too.

That sounds great! I always feel like animals, like dogs and cats pull out the love that’s inside of you.

C: Yes, yes. Well I’m really in to animals. And people have always said that, when I work on horses for my business, the horses that no one can really get close to, I just walk up to them. And people say “How did you do that, what are you doing? This horse is always afraid of people!” I believe in your energy, we all have it. We’re animals just like they are, so I really believe that my energy is really confident with animals, so they respond to me.

Ha! You’re the horse whisperer!

C: Yes (laughing) some people say that. I take that as a compliment.

I’m going for a weekend for healing therapy with horses. I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll blog about it.

C: Just remember your energy and try to be in tune and they will respond. You’ll get more out of it if you’re in tune with the animals. Be confident with them, and supportive and you’ll get a lot out of it.

Yes, you’re right, you’re right. That is great advice and I am definitely going to follow it!

C: And you can just call it love, that’ll simplify it. Haha.

So true. It’s the energy of love. And what they do at the ranch I’m going to is, you walk into the herd of horses, and whichever horse picks you, is your horse for the weekend! Isn’t that cool?

C: Yes, it’s cool. It’s kind of what I’m talking about. Yup.

Yes, like your energy sort of matches that particular horse’s, so he’s yours.

C: Yup.

The next question was “Have you or would you try meditation?” and you just answered that. So here’s the next one: What has been the most helpful thing in your recovery and well being?

C: Well I’m a big proponent of getting yourself treated because you’re sick. You’re not weak. Because some people say “Just don’t be depressed” or “Don’t be bipolar.” They don’t know. But once they understand it’s a sickness, it’s a chemical imbalance, then they say “Oh ok.” It’s ok, I go to the doctor, it’s like diabetes or another illness. So once they realize that, they understand. I am a big proponent of medication. Some people aren’t, but I believe that when you’re sick, you go to the doctor. And if you’re chemically imbalanced, whether it’s your pancreas/diabetes or if it’s your brain/serotonin, it doesn’t matter. So I believe medication has saved me. And that in itself was not easy. As you know, you try different medications, different doses. And it’s not immediate, you have to be on it for a while before you figure out if it works or it doesn’t work. So, that was a long trial for me.

Yes, yes. Well they used to give people who have bipolar d/o SSRI’s like Zoloft or Prozac. But now they say that SSRI’s cause more mood swings, so they are taking us off them. I was taken off Zoloft, something I’d been on since the 1990’s. So I have been having some trouble coming off it after so many years.

C: Yes, me too. It’s like you have withdrawals, it’s not a good feeling. You feel sick.

Yes. But almost, the physical symptoms I can handle, but sometimes I feel depressed or anxious… but eventually it’ll go away. They say that for people to come off Zoloft takes 6-12 months for their brains to normalize! I’ve been off it for almost 6 months now. So I am hoping things will get better soon!

C: Yes, right. But don’t forget, it takes a long time to be on those medications before they either kick in if they’re going to work, or you figure out “Oops they don’t work, I have to try something else.”

You are so correct! I was on a LOT of medications. But the side effects were so awful, seemed worse than my illness. I’ve found 3 medications I can take, one was Zoloft, and then Lithium and Seroquel. That’s it.

C: I took Zoloft for a long time too.

It didn’t work?

C: Oh no. It worked really well. Then I think I was on it for so long that my body got immune.

True, your brain gets used to it. There are semi permanent changes that happen in the brain when you’re on something like Zoloft or Prozac. And when those changes happen, your brain stops responding to the drug.

C: Yes, I think that’s what happened. Because I took it for 14 years. I wasn’t getting checked by the doctor regularly either.

Oh yes, I read that in your book. I’ve had some good doctors, and then I’ve had some who were not good at all.

C: Yes. Same here! I’ve spent years trying to find a different doctor. It’s difficult to change, especially if you had one who you trusted a lot.

So true. It’s a bit scary to change doctors due to moving or their retiring. I feel it’s a traumatic event. And on to the next question: Is there something you feel you need to work on, if so how will you work on it? You sound really good…

C: No, I still have to.. and whether this is exactly mental illness, but for me it seems somewhat it is, that I have to work on my issues. There’s self love, and I don’t know if this is a product of my upbringing, what I went through with my dad. They’re just issues. I think we all have different issues. I have to be kind to myself, and remind myself that I deserve to be happy. I think that growing up in turmoil, that anxiety was the norm for me. And sometimes, if I’m not feeling anxious, I feel like I have to think of something to worry about, to get anxious. Because that’s where I’m comfortable, Even though it’s not a good feeling, but when you grow up that way, you feel like something’s missing. I think a lot of people may be able to relate to that but it’s a bit of a hard thing to understand. Think about it. You probably know people that love the drama, they love it when something’s going on, when it’s not good. Maybe that’s what they miss in their life, because as kids they had that. I don’t know, but I know for me, I think that’s pretty accurate. I have to be conscious of it, I have to be really in tune with my feelings, and my thoughts. What’s going on? Why are you feeling anxious? Why are you not feeling anxious? Be in tune with myself. And this is where medication helps too.

I think medication is key too. I would not be sitting here interviewing you without the Lithium and even Seroquel. I’d probably be in a hospital.

C: Oh I’m sure I would too. I’d probably be dead.

Oh gosh, I hope not. That’s so scary!

C: No, it’s true though.

Needless to say, I am really, really glad you’re here! Lets just keep it that way!

C: And you are doing a great job with your blogs. They are very educational. Sometimes when you read something, you say “Yeah! I just couldn’t put it into words. That sure describes me.” That’s educational.

Thank you so much! I started this blog in August of last year and I said if it helps even one person, then I am successful. So if you say that it means something to you, I appreciate it so much!

C: Oh for sure! And that helps you too because you’re supporting people whom you’re helping and when you do that, it gives you support. And you’re supporting them, that’s what this is all about. Helping each other.

Absolutely. The people who comment on my blog, and post something and the other bloggers and people who subscribe to my blog, we really have a conversation about the things that I write and it helps me and hopefully it helps them.

C: Have you heard of the magazine called Esperanza? They did an article on me.

Oh Congratulations! I’ll find it and post it on my blog.

If your emotions boil over, how do you control them?

C: That would be part of my keep checking to see what I’m feeling and why and what I’m thinking. To figure out what’s going on, if I’m feeling anxious, to ask “Why are you feeling anxious, what are you thinking?” So those things, but also everything else you do, like meditation, and working out. Those things help you keep that balance. So you don’t boil over, that is the number one thing. It’s probably as important as taking your medication. My routine of all the things I do to keep my balance.

How are you managing the alcohol issue?

C: I go to AA. I try to go to a meeting almost everyday. It’s important for me, I feel the more meetings I go to, the more I learn the tools of the 12 steps, how to properly apply them.   

Yes that is really very important.

C: To me it’s like a course in life. Because it’s not just about not drinking. The 12 steps are a lot deeper than that. (Maybe I should go to one, haha, I don’t know if they’ll let me in.) All of them are the same, whether they are for drinking or for gambling, they’re all the same 12 steps. They use the 12 step program in everything. Just look it up, 12 step AA, they’ll be the same as any 12 step program. You don’t have to be an alcoholic or anything, you can follow a 12 step program in your own life. (Ok, I’ll look it up.)

It’s a very spiritual program. It’ll help you. The first step is admitting you’re powerless over alcohol, well, your first step could be you’re powerless over your… life… (laughs.) It doesn’t have to be alcohol or drugs or anything like that. (Right, it can be anything, it could be moods.) Anything, you can apply it to anything. (Hmm, it’s a cool way of looking at it.)

Is alone time important or are you very social?

C: I’m both. I like being with people, I joke around, and I make people laugh. But I also really value my alone time. And my alone time includes my wife. I can’t be around people all the time, it’ll drive you crazy. But when I am around them, I enjoy them.

How do you think you can stay healthy?

C: Continue to take my medication, but also to be monitored, to see the doctor regularly. Because the last time I was taking the medication, I never checked in with my doctor. And I think my body just became immune to it. So, I think it is key to stay on top of things. We’re creatures of habit, and I don’t want to slip back into my old habits of not going to meetings, not doing my meditation, not working out. These things keep me healthy, and the 12 step program, which is very spiritual. So I don’t want to lose my contact with my higher power, so to speak and start thinking I can do it on my own. Sometimes I feel like I’m being selfish, because I’ll tell my wife that I have to go meditate, or I have to go to a meeting, or I have to go workout. I feel like I am being selfish. But I have to do that to be healthy. She understands that. She understands I need to do certain things to keep my balance. It’s just me communicating to her that this is what I need to do, and she says “Yup, that’s good, do it.”

Right, probably if you weren’t doing all those things, it wouldn’t be very easy to be with you and it wouldn’t be very good for your health.

C: Oh yes, she understands. So I have to communicate that to loved ones that this is what I need to do. I hate to be thought of as selfish, if you want to label it as selfish. (I don’t think it’s being selfish.) No. But again society might perceive it as being selfish, but it’s not. (No, it’s taking care of yourself.)

Have you ever looked at this book called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle?

C: Yes. I’ve read quite a few of his books. I have all of them.

Do you feel they help you in any way?

C: Yes. But personally, I find his writing to be a little more complicated for what I like. The book that I really like is “The Four Agreements.” Those four agreements are simple. I really like the simplicity of that book. I try to use that one.

Yes, I agree, Eckhart Tolle sort of blends Zen Buddhism with New Age spirituality, so it can be complicated. But for me, when I first read it, I was like: Wow, this is a new way to be! But then I sort of forgot about it so I think I have to read it again.

C: And that’s the creatures of habit! If we’re going to change habits, we have to replace them with other habits. Like when you said: Wow this could change my thinking and my everyday living! And yet we forget, because it’s a habit. So you have to resolve to practice them everyday. Like “The Four Agreements” is easy, it’s just four things.

Well that’s it, that was the last question. Unless you would like to add anything else. Thank you very much for your time and for answering all my questions. I am so happy you are doing so well. I’m going to start doing all the things you are doing. Stay well and we’ll talk soon.

2 Comments Posted on Posts

Cooking Classes Could Help People Cope With Mental Health Problem!

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http://miami.cbslocal.com/2015/02/20/cooking-classes-could-help-people-with-mental-health-problems/

Great news! I think I already knew that. And I am definitely starting my Cooking Blog!! When I’m cooking, I feel really good, no worries, no depression, just the task at hand and then delicious food at the end of the process.