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INSIGHT

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Insight may be the single most important factor in determining how well a person with a mental illness does. Major mental illnesses, of course, come with delusions, thought disturbances, illusions, and the seeming inability to accept the very fact or total or partial denial that “I” have a mental illness. This can lead to bad things. Then “I” will not go to see a psychiatrist, “I” will not take my medication, because “I” do not think there is anything wrong with me. In the meantime the disease is getting more severe and more difficult to treat. Also as time passes, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia will cause neuronal cell death in brains and this will be worse in unmedicated brains.

So the important thing then is to help the mentally ill patient realize that they have an illness. Make them aware of the symptoms, for example in mania the symptoms are:

  • Euphoria
  • Inflated self-esteem
  • Poor judgment
  • Rapid speech
  • Racing thoughts
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Agitation or irritation
  • Increased physical activity
  • Risky behavior
  • Spending sprees or unwise financial choices
  • Increased drive to perform or achieve goals
  • Increased sex drive
  • Decreased need for sleep
  • Easily distracted
  • Careless or dangerous use of drugs or alcohol
  • Frequent absences from work or school
  • Delusions or a break from reality (psychosis)
  • Poor performance at work or school

These (except for the break from reality or psychosis) may seem like normal human behaviors, but when many of them are present at the same time and with a high intensity, then it may be fair to assume that this is an illness and not just normal behavior. If untreated, people will bipolar 1 disorder will go into a psychosis, meaning they will have delusions and be out of touch with reality. This is the most dangerous part of the disease. And psychosis happens at the extreme end of mania as well as at the extreme end of depression. Both very bad places to be. In mania you may think you are super man and you can fly and literally try to do so, causing yourself harm. In depression you may think other bizarre, unreal thoughts, such as you are a “dark lord” with powers, who knows, at this point in someone’s illness, they can think anything and may do some very strange things, that can result in self injury or injury to others.

So, as I said, insight, which is the ability to judge who you really are, and when in one of these episodes, realize that this is not you, it is your illness which has taken over your brain and is now making the decisions of how you act for you.

I think I was “lucky” in a way because I didn’t manifest bipolar 1 disorder till I was 25 years old. So, I had 25 years to be ME, so when the illness took over me and my life, at some point I knew it wasn’t me and called the doctor. Even when I had reached the psychosis stage, in between periods of being out of touch with reality, when I would come back to myself, I realized I needed to be in the hospital and even though it was done with a lot of drama and emotion, I did have my self hospitalized. And I strongly believe that because of my insight, I have only been hospitalized twice in the last 29 years. Most of the time, I and my doctor, we have caught the disease early enough so that it was treatable by increasing the doses of the meds I was on, or temporarily adding another medicine. My champion of course is Lithium Carbonate extended release (ER.) Since last March, I have been on 900 mg of Lithium and have experienced no major mood disturbance. Most notable is the absence of the yearly foray into mania around the end of the year.

I have had minor mood fluctuations, mostly towards the depressive side, but thankfully nothing too extreme. Also, these may be happening because I am totally off Zoloft, a selective Serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI,) and I have been on it since 1991, when it first came out. So, having been on it for so long, there are changes in the brain that happen, and these changes (changes such as Serotonin receptor down regulation and Serotonin synaptic vesicle up regulation, both of these result in less Serotonin reaching the Serotonergic neurons) make Serotonin less available to the neurons. And since Serotonin is needed for normal mood, not having enough of it would cause depressive episodes. These changes take about 6 months to a year to reverse themselves. This is what makes it so difficult to come off of SSRI’s. And this problem only happens specifically for SSRI’s 😦 But I’ve done difficult things before and coming off Zoloft successfully is just going to get added to that list of difficult things.

But, back to insight, if we can somehow cultivate insight, or perhaps find someone whose judgement we trust and listen to them when they say “Uh oh it’s happening again,” meaning the disease is acting up again, then I seriously believe we’ll have a fair chance of beating mental illness.

So lets all keep a check on our moods and actions and feelings and take action when it seems like they are running rampant upon out lives. Insight can and will help us keep our illnesses from destroying our lives.

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Though Nothing Can Bring Back The Hour

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“Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be…”
― William Wordsworth

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The Prelude by William Wordsworth

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“The earth was all before me. With a heart
Joyous, nor scared at its own liberty,
I look about; and should the chosen guide
Be nothing better than a wandering cloud,
I cannot miss my way.”
― William Wordsworth, The Prelude

9 Comments Posted on Cooking, Eckhart Tolle, Now, Posts, The Power of Now

Cooking Helps!

This might seem to be a strange post for a blog entitled Bipolar1Blog, but really it is not. Cooking is a great way to stay in the now, thereby avoiding the drama which leads to high emotions. Staying calm is one of my primary goals in managing my bipolar 1 disorder. Not only do emotions run rampantly out of control when I am manicky or depressed, I think maybe not managing my emotions properly also leads to mood episodes. So anything that keeps me calm and out of the drama in my head or the astronomical amounts of anxiety I sometimes experience, is GOOD! I think that is also why Art therapy works when people are not feeling well. Their mind is occupied with the task at hand and isn’t flying around in clouds of drama, anger, depression, mania or in the past or future. It really is well tethered to the present and at peace. As such, cooking helps me stay in the Now! My mind is silent, I am concentrating on the task at hand in the now, the egoic mind is not trying to brew up some high drama or dragging me along to voyages in the past or future. When I am cooking, there is no next moment or past moment. I am chopping in the Now, sautéing in the now, boiling in the now. And then I have a wonderful meal that I eat in the Now 🙂

(I am reading the rest of The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. When I am done with it and done with deciphering it, I will post about it. It is an absolutely revolutionary, incredibly instructive book on how to live a life in the Now! A quote: To stay present in everyday life, it helps to be deeply rooted within yourself; otherwise, the mind, which has incredible momentum, will drag you along like a wild river. Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now)

We had breakfast for dinner tonight.

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An omelet with organic eggs,

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hot green peppers, and oodles of fresh, chopped cilantro,IMG_5089

tomatoes, onions, (sorry forgot to take an onion picture…)

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all cooked in olive oil.

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I also made some potatoes with cumin seeds, onions, and dried red hot chili peppers.

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And served it with a Blue Dog baguette,

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and some Sauvignon Blanc.

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A lovely, simple dinner. Here’s to the Now! Cheers.

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Compassion

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The Buddha taught that to realize enlightenment, one must develop two attributes. And these two attributes are wisdom and compassion. Compassion is a big deal in Buddhist philosophy. I wrote about it in my last post. But what is it? According to Buddhist philosophy, it is “Active sympathy” or “Willingness to bear the pain of others.” The Cambridge Dictionary definition is “a strong feeling of  sympathy and sadness for other people’s suffering or bad luck and a desire to help.” 

If when we see people, we can stop seeing them as others and feel compassion for them, wouldn’t that make the world a better place in which to live?

If instead of berating ourselves, and constantly criticizing ourselves, what if we turned the eyes of compassion on ourselves? Wouldn’t we suffer less? And if we suffer less, then don’t we make other living beings suffer less as well?

There has been so much violence in this world, so much killing and mayhem. Is it not time for compassion, towards ourselves and others?

What if we make a pledge to ourselves to let compassion rule? To see ourselves with the gentle eyes of loving compassion. To see others with the gentle eyes of loving compassion. To see all living beings with the gentle eyes of loving compassion.

No these are not just words, these are powerful ideas, that when put into practice, can have a powerful effect on the world in which we live. An effect for the great betterment of the world.

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Dealing with Anger in the Buddhist Way.

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Anger is a major issue in mood disorders. When you are manic, anger is never far away. Depression and anger often go hand in hand. Addiction disorders can have anger issues. Drugs and alcohol can actually decrease your ability to handle anger. Anxiety can lead to anger. Borderline personality disorder comes with a lot of anger. And of course, the grand daddy of all angry disorders, Intermittent Explosive Disorder or IED (ha!) is all about anger.

Not only mental illnesses and disorders carry anger with them as a symptom, but life can be full of anger. Adolescents have a hard time managing their anger, there are moments in life when perfectly calm, sane people become incredibly anger.

So what does one do to handle anger? Does one try to squash it? Does one lock oneself in their room and punch a pillow? No this does not work, in fact it may make your anger stronger. Do you try to outrun it? Self medicate it away?

No. Thich Naht Hahn’s (Thay’s) advise on how to handle anger is amazing. He says the only antidote for violence, for anger is compassion. There is no other way. But how to generate the energy of compassion? The way you cultivate compassion is to recognize suffering in the person with whom you are angry. It is the suffering in this person which causes him to use words or actions which make you angry and make you suffer. Thay says the anger in him waters the anger in you. Thay says the violence in him waters the violence in you. So to breathe in and out mindfully, and to look at the other person is a victim of his own violence, his own suffering, his own misunderstanding is very important. This is the teaching of Buddha, look at suffering and understand suffering. When you can understand your own suffering, you can understand the suffering of the other person. Understanding suffering always brings compassion. Try to understand the cause of anger and suffering, the understanding always brings the energy of transformation. Also with the energy of mindfulness and attention to your anger and to the situation will also turn your anger into compassion. If you tenderly embrace the energy of anger with the energy of mindfulness, then you suffer less.

Transform anger into compassion, by looking at the suffering of the person with whom you are angry. Once you can look at the other’s suffering, your anger will vanish. Look upon yourself with compassion. Even hold your anger gently, embrace it as if it was your own child. What amazing concepts. So understanding suffering will turn the leaden anger into golden compassion. Viola alchemy!

Hope this little post and especially the accompanying video of Thich Nhat Hahn will help everyone who needs help in dealing with anger. And that is all of us at one time or another.

The video is below and it is amazing!

http://amara.org/en/videos/gVn4SD8laNDH/info/how-can-i-not-let-my-anger-explode/

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Well here’s the test…

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My brother has been taking bee pollen for the last few days and I just now read an email from him saying he had an allergic reaction to it yesterday. Swollen lips, itchy eyes, the whole nine yards. However, he is planning to take the bee pollen again tomorrow morning. I read his email so late that I could not talk to him. I have texted him and said “DO NOT TAKE IT AGAIN or you will go into anaphylactic shock.” I texted my step dad and my sister imploring them to make sure he does not take it again.
The immune system, when it sees an allergen such as bee pollen, will mount a mild immune response to it at first. Upon repeated exposure, this immune response will get stronger and stronger, until finally the allergic person will go into anaphylactic shock! I believe this is what is happening to my brother, and if he takes the bee pollen again, he will go into shock. Not only can he NEVER take bee pollen again, he has to now carry an Epinephrine pen with him, just in case of accidental exposure. His immune system has been primed from these first few exposures and is ready to go, all guns blazing.
I hope and “pray” that he listens to me. I have set my alarm for 7:30 am so I can call him and absolutely forbid him to go anywhere near the bee pollen.
I am full of anxiety and dread at what he is going to do. I cannot lose another brother.
So much for the power of now. I am telling myself to remain calm, I have done what I could do being 600 miles away. I feel guilty for having traipsed around all day, celebrating the power of Now and not having read his email earlier.
Ok. Calm down. Be in the Now. Don’t bring phantom catastrophes upon your head.
I hope he reads my texts and listens to me, I am, after all, a Molecular Immunologist.
Oh please listen to me, Little Brother and don’t take the damn bee pollen ever again.
We will survive. I am assuming all’s well with him right now, and I’ll speak with him in the morning. I accidentally, somehow just pasted the following into this post, how appropriate it is to the current situation: “I am not my thoughts, emotions, sense perceptions, and experiences. I am not the content of my life. I am Life. I am the space in which all things happen. I am consciousness. I am the Now.I Am.”
(Excerpt From: Tolle, Eckhart. “Stillness Speaks.” New World Library, 2009-01-01. iBooks.
Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/stillness-speaks/id379310794?mt=11)

Calm down. Stay in the present moment. Do not catastrophize.

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“The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.

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I started reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle two nights ago. What he teaches in that book is nothing short of miraculous. And I don’t use that word lightly, not al all. What has the power to heal you from depression, anxiety, anger, envy, unhappiness, and more? Yes, the power of NOW! He says there is nothing else that exists except for the Now. And this is true, the past is gone and even when it existed, it was the Now, the future does not exist, and when it does , it will be the Now. So the only thing that exists is the Now. A series of Nows. He says that the future and the past are constructs of the “egoic mind”, created by the ego. The ego creates these constructs to keep us unhappy. The ego needs unhappiness and drama to exist, therefore it keeps creating drama, discontent, pining, etc, otherwise it wouldn’t exist. But when we live in the now and don’t live in the past with our victim stories, or wait for the future with our thoughts that say we will be happy when ______ fill in the blank… if we live in the Now, yes right now and pay attention to what exists right now (because that is all there is) then we cannot be unhappy. There is no past to bother us, there is no future to aspire to. There is only the NOW! And we are present in the now. Our anxiety falls away as we don’t worry about the future, our depression disappears as we are not living in the past. These egoic constructs, past and future simply disappear and we are left with an aliveness, a vibrancy, a joy for living in the present moment! Our minds are quiet, not creating the egoic constructs of past and future. We notice everything. How a flower blooms. How the clouds are beautiful, how the sun is warm, how our tee shirt is soft, the birds are chirping. We don’t just live in our minds tortured by our egoes and ignore all there miraculous things. We are Present to the moment of Now.

And when we stray away from it because our ego is making more drama and conflict within our mind, we can use our breath to bring us back to the Now. It is always here, it is the only thing that is here.

I have been feeling very depressed and anxious for the last few weeks. The primary thought in my anxiety ridden and depressed mind was the safety of my son. This book actually directly addressed by problem by saying that anxiety about a problem in the future, which may never happen, is a phantom anxiety and you cannot fight it. The only thing you can do is pay attention to the Now, Be Present Now. If the problem arises, know you will be strong enough to deal with it. That is amazing! I think I really will be strong enough to deal with any problem that arises in the future. I cannot live in terror of something that may or may not happen in the future. I am living in the Now and I am going to keep on doing it. I know this is such a simple concept and yet we don’t practice it. We go about blindly every day, on autopilot, seeing nothing that is happening in the Now, hearing nothing that is happening in the Now, because our problems are in the past or we are waiting for the future to be happy. Be Present Now. That’s how easy it is.

Reading the book would be the best thing you’ve done for yourself! I know it the best thing I’ve done for my mental health! And I feel Better today than I have in a long time!

If it sounds strange, maybe it will at first, or I haven’t explained it well enough, but reading it will clear things up. There is wisdom, genius, instruction, help and answers in this book. For anyone, and everyone if they’d just pick it up and read it.

All Hail to the Power of Now :-)!

https://www.eckharttolletv.com/books/now/

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Peace

My pictures published in Broken Light Collective! Wow!!!

Broken Light: A Photography Collective's avatarBroken Light Collective

Please welcome first-time contributor Samina, a Molecular Biologist who has an MSEd in School Counseling. She is also a wife and a mother. She was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 in 1985. Since then, she has fought and survived this disease with the help of medication, good psychiatrists, exercise, music, and love for and from her family and friends.

About this photo: “This series of photographs is called ‘PEACE.’ It was taken at the Buffalo and Erie County Botanical Gardens, where these flowers and general atmosphere promote peace and a sense of wellbeing. It is so very peaceful to be there, floral beauty all around you, and the fragrances of the flowers and even a waterfall. The air itself smells like PEACE! It meant so much for me to visit there and get my bearings when I wasn’t feeling well.”

Find more from Samina at her

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Depression.

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Well, I haven’t written a post in what seems forever to me. My mind is quite blank. Not active, quite sluggish. There really aren’t any thoughts coming into it except depressing thoughts. I don’t want to write. I have not much to say anyway. I am tired and achy all over my body. I have a sense of dread all the time. My thoughts are quiet, so is my speech. I cry very readily. I have no interest in much of anything. Well, what do you know! I find myself in the middle of a depression. Though not severe, still dulling, still well, depressing. A marked change from my normal state of being which is interested in everything, very vocal, ideas coming out by the dozens. This depressed way of being is boring and sad and sort of useless.

I am still cooking dinner, still going to Zumba and it is still FUN! Thank goodness for small favors. In fact, if Zumba stops being fun, call the EMT’s haha.

Just wanted to write about what it feels like to be in a depression, for people who might be in one or families of people who might be in a depression.

It isn’t fun. Although luckily, at this stage, it isn’t too painful. I am going to see my doctor on Friday. Let’s see if he has any magic tricks in his little black bag. I hope so, because I don’t want this thing to get more severe and out of control. That’s a funny thing about me, I don’t like suffering more than I have to.