I spent a weekend at Cedar Fire Ranch. It was pretty amazing. I went on one 4 hour long ride on Saturday, no idea at all what lay in store for me! It was on a very advanced trail (for me), very hilly, raviny, with creeks, and almost worst of all, trees with some branches extending into the trail (had an accident with a branch, had to get 20 stitches on my eyelid once when I was riding a horse…) I haven’t ridden a horse for about 20 years, so this was really a terrifying experience for me. But with each step, and each breath, and each branch waved away, I conquered my fear. I learned how to run uphill (on the horse) and cantor or jog and actually relaxed enough to enjoy it by the end of the second ride (2 hours) on Sunday. My handsome, lovely, chill mount was TLC, who I renamed Ice T because of his amazing, chill temperament. Dr. T (Thecla) whose ranch this is, was amazing, when on the first ride, in the throes of fight or flight, I anxiously said “I want to get off, I don’t want to ride!” She said “No, that’s not happening.” Haha, yeah now it’s haha, then it was like wtf! But she took my horse’s lead and held it and we walked, she was first, I was second, and the rest of the riders following, and the whole ride she held my horse’s lead, the lead was long enough so I could ride seemingly on my own. Once Dr. T. was on one side of a tree and TLC and I ended up on the other side of the tree, TLC realized that the lead was in her hand, and backed up (!!!!!) and went over to the other side, so the lead wasn’t stuck around the tree. He backed up, how in the world does a horse know he needs to do that, without any prompting? He and I became good friends, he was giving me head bumps with his big old head, and I was feeding him carrots and apples and treats. It was an amazing weekend, with amazing people. When I get a chance, I will go back again.

Just one sad note, the barn cats, and one of the cats had decided to take residence in the main cabin, they didn’t like the cats and no one was really taking care of them. Apparently the big dog, part German Shepherd, had eaten some of the cats. Well as much of a cat lover as I am, that was heartbreaking for me. Everyone loved horses, they loved the dogs, but they didn’t love the cats. Everyone creature big, every creature small, every being deserves love. I’m having trouble with that. I wish I could just get this little one who has moved into the cabin, but I have my Fluff, too old now, at 20.5 years to deal with a young cat. I hope this little cat survives, she is adorable and sweet and so deserving of love and care and all good things. I’ve called no kill shelters, maybe I’ll go get her and take her to a shelter, but that will be traumatic for her too. I have to think about what to do, what’s best for her.

Anyway, in general, the weekend was amazing, and I rode and jogged on the horse, like I’ve never done before. I will go again. And next time, I’ll bring the cat with me, and give her to someone who will love her 🙂

TLC, my beauty, and I, a special rider, hahaha. Forgot my sunglasses, these borrowed ones were huge and with the helmet, I certainly did look special! :)))

With my new ride!

My new love, TLC or as I called him Ice T, because he was SO chill!

Beautiful skies!

Another kind of Mustang!

TLC, my horse!

Dr. T, horsewoman extraordinaire and tough love expert!

I am off to Cedar Fire Ranch, for the women’s weekend (description below). I absolutely love horses, and I am so looking forward to spending the whole weekend with them! Pictures, stories and descriptions to follow.

http://www.cedarfire.net/

Cedar Fire Farm     Kamp Kessa

Women’s weekend being offered Feb 26, 27, 28 entitled “Passive Leadership”, Aikido, Humans, and Horses: A softer way of being in the world. RSVP now to save you spot kampkessa@cedarfire.net
Cost $250, all inclusive.

​We are an Equine and Nature Retreat Center, an incredibly fun Camp, an Ecumenical Mystery School, and organic farm.     

We specialize in practicing transcendence and holistic interaction with the Horse and the Human Heart through; 
*Centered trail rides with our beautiful, integrated herd of over 35 horses
*Summertime Children’s camps 
*Homeschool Opportunities throughout the year
*Dynamic weekend retreats and day programs
*Private Equine Human Development Sessions with Dr. T
*

Please see our Upcoming Events for details regarding the Women’s Weekend  schedule . 

NEW Program available: Coed-
Dr. T’s 7 Week Intuitional Equestrian Evenings Course…….  an exciting way to learn and be with our herd starting again spring of 2016. Level one: March 30 to May 6 every Wednesday 5:30 pm to 7:30 pm. Cost $50 per session. Must attend all to get certificate.
​Level two: March 28 to May 4 every Monday 5:30 to 7:30. (pre-requisite, Level One Kamp Kessa  model “Intuitive Horse” or by permission of Dr. T. Cost $50.00 per session. Must attend all to get certificate. RSVP: kampkessa@cedarfire.net
​Our non-profit programs are a resource for humans and horses with special needs,  to our diverse camps  and resources for families with children with autism.

Dr. T  has a lifetime of combining her Love and understanding of Horses with skills in educational leadership.  She and  Andy Helmbrecht-Howard,  with his knowledge of ecology and psychology,  have developed unique ways to engender a passion for the possible within us all through centered riding with their Radiant Herd and Nature.      kampkessa@cedarfire.net  or call (502) 376-4367.

“At it’s most fundamental level, all nature is organized by energy.  By exploring ground work with horses, we initiate direct physical interaction with chi.  Through a skilled interpreter- our equine partner- we can translate the abstactrations of energetic intention, assembly, action, and release into their physical equivalents.  We can feel them, increase or decrease their amplitude, or move them faster of slower.  We can practice thise central spiritual concepts in a direct, physical way that allows us to understand them, to observe them and to apply them.”  

Allan J.  Hamilton, MD
ZEN MIND ZEN HORSE

This is an exercise you do with yourself. Little is the Inner Child. Big is the Adult You. And the real you is the mediator. So you can stand, and imagine that Little is standing at your left hand side, as Little is weaker, therefore stands on your weaker side (as most people are right handed, so the left hand is the weaker side.)

Big stands at your right hand side, stronger by virtue of being bigger. And you are in the middle, you are the mediator. 

Now, Little and Big have a conversation and you mediate. Yes it is imaginary. You don’t even have to stand up. But with this conversation, Big listens to Little’s concerns and assures Little that Big is there for Little and loves Little and will always be there. This conservation is to be had once a day. It will be different everyday, it depends on what your issues are.  The point is to make Little feel loved and protected, ALWAYS! If you can do that for your inner child, your fear and neediness will go away. You will realize you don’t need anyone to make you feel loved or safe, miraculously, you can do it for yourself. And that makes you self sufficient and strong! 

A sample conversation follows: 

Little: Big I was afraid today because the neighbor’s were yelling and you were asleep. 

Big: Little, even when I’m asleep, I am still here and I will protect you and I love you. Those neighbor’s cannot come into our place and hurt you. 

Little: Are you sure, they sure sounded loud, like mom and dad used to sound. 

Big: Little, I know you were scared when mom and dad fought, but I am here to protect you now. I love you little, I will never let anyone hurt you. 

Little: Ok Big, thanks. I feel better. 

Have your own conversation and let me know how it goes. Hugs for all my readers, fellow bloggers, friends and family. 😻😻😻 

Ok I know this has not much to do with bipolar d/o, except maybe that I do happen to have it🤓

But really, what’s wrong with pictures of a “made from scratch” birthday cake and birthday goings on with our good friends? Oh and my new haircut, it’s a bob! Love it! Hugs everyone!

Tomorrow, I’ll post about “Little, Big, and You, the mediator.” 

Sleep and mood are so very linked. In bipolar mania, you have no need for sleep at all. In bipolar depression and all kinds of depression, you never want to wake up. These researchers have found a gene called Period 3, this is circadian rhythm gene and now has been found to be the link between mood and sleep. When Per 3 is mutated, mice get SAD or seasonal affective disorder, which is characterized by depression when sunlight is in short supply, such as in winter time. Another piece of the puzzle! Perhaps another target for drug development and delivery. 

http://www.sciencemag.org/news/2016/02/scientists-identify-molecular-link-between-sleep-and-mood?utm_source=sciencemagazine&utm_medium=facebook-text&utm_campaign=sleep_mood-2538By Claire AsherFeb. 22, 2016 , 5:45 PM

A poor night’s sleep is enough to put anyone in a bad mood, and although scientists have long suspected a link between mood and sleep, the molecular basis of this connection remained a mystery. Now, new research has found several rare genetic mutations on the same gene that definitively connect the two.

Sleep goes hand-in-hand with mood. People suffering from depression and mania, for example, frequently have altered sleeping patterns, as do those with seasonal affective disorder (SAD). And although no one knows exactly how these changes come about, in SAD sufferers they are influenced by changes in light exposure, the brain’s time-keeping cue. But is mood affecting sleep, is sleep affecting mood, or is there a third factor influencing both? Although a number of tantalizing leads have linked the circadian clock to mood, there is “no definitive factor that proves causality or indicates the direction of the relationship,” says Michael McCarthy, a neurobiologist at the San Diego Veterans’ Affairs Medical Center and the University of California (UC), San Diego. 
To see whether they could establish a link between the circadian clock, sleep, and mood, scientists in the new study looked at the genetics of a family that suffers from abnormal sleep patterns and mood disorders, including SAD and something called advanced sleep phase, a condition in which people wake earlier and sleep earlier than normal. The scientists screened the family for mutations in key genes involved in the circadian clock, and identified two rare variants of the PERIOD3 (PER3) gene in members suffering from SAD and advanced sleep phase. “We found a genetic change in people who have both seasonal affective disorder and the morning lark trait” says lead researcher Ying-Hui Fu, a neuroscientist at UC San Francisco. When the team tested for these mutations in DNA samples from the general population, they found that they were extremely rare, appearing in less than 1% of samples.
Fu and her team then created mice that carried the novel genetic variants. These transgenic mice showed an unusual sleep-wake cycle and struggled less when handled by the researchers, a typical sign of depression. They also had lower levels of PER2, a protein involved in circadian rhythms, than unmutated mice, providing a possible molecular explanation for the unusual sleep patterns in the family. Fu says this supports the link between the PER3 mutations and both sleep and mood. “PER3’s role in mood regulation has never been demonstrated directly before,” she says. “Our results indicate that PER3 might function in helping us adjust to seasonal changes,” by modifying the body’s internal clock.
To investigate further, the team studied mice lacking a functional PER3 gene. They found that these mice showed symptoms of SAD, exhibiting more severe depression when the duration of simulated daylight in the laboratory was reduced. Because SAD affects between 2% and 9% of people worldwide, the novel variants can’t explain it fully. But understanding the function of PER3 could yield insights into the molecular basis of a wide range of sleep and mood disorders, Fu says.
Together, these experiments show that the PERIOD3 gene likely plays a key role in regulating the sleep-wake cycle, influencing mood and regulating the relationship between depression and seasonal changes in light availability, the team reports today in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. “The identification of a mutation in PER3 with such a strong effect on mood is remarkable,” McCarthy says. “It suggests an important role for the circadian clock in determining mood.”
The next step will be to investigate how well these results generalize to other people suffering from mood and sleep disorders. “It will be interesting to see if other rare variants in PER3 are found, or if SAD is consistently observed in other carriers,” McCarthy says. That could eventually lead to new drugs that selectively target the gene, which McCarthy says, “could be a strategy for treating mood or sleep disorders.” 

Today is the 11th anniversary of the day my mother passed away. It is a sad day. I mourn and grieve for her. The mother who passed away, I had forgiven. The mother who passed away was really not the woman who mercilessly abused me, (Oooh felt a twinge of something old there) so I did love her. And I know she loved me.  So that’s today. 

Tomorrow is my husband’s birthday I spent all day making Bolognese pasta sauce (delicious, even if I do say so myself 😊) and these cakes from one of the most labor intensive and time consuming ‘Gourmet’s best desserts’ recipes in the history of the world! I had to make three kinds of syrups, whip up egg whites into stiff peaks, macerate strawberries, and whip cream and on and on. I will assemble the whole thing tomorrow and will put up a picture. Next year I think I’ll go to a bakery…

  
    
   
This weekend is the women’s weekend at the horse ranch. I simply cannot wait. It’s going to be wonderful! 

he was a baby, and now he is graduating from Law School! Where did the time go? As his mother, of course, I am beyond happy and proud and only wish the best of health for him, the happiest of lives, and the healthiest of loves in his young and wonderful life. My son.

Law school graduation picture!

Caprese! Pretty spectacular! Just made it for dinner.   
  
 

I had the most views ever in one day today at 201 views! 124 of those were the”I am in awe and so inspired” post at https://bipolar1blog.wordpress.com/2016/02/19/i-am-in-awe-and-so-inspired/

Well I can see what my audience wants, awesome and inspiring posts! Sheesh, how do I do awesome and inspiring everyday? Fine, I’ll try to. Next weekend I am going to Kamp Kessa, a women’s weekend  at a horse ranch called Cedar Fire Farm. They have beautiful horses and it is meant to be a very peaceful and healing time. Can’t wait for that. Of course expect lots of pictures. Hugs for all.