Well, I haven’t written a post in what seems forever to me. My mind is quite blank. Not active, quite sluggish. There really aren’t any thoughts coming into it except depressing thoughts. I don’t want to write. I have not much to say anyway. I am tired and achy all over my body. I have a sense of dread all the time. My thoughts are quiet, so is my speech. I cry very readily. I have no interest in much of anything. Well, what do you know! I find myself in the middle of a depression. Though not severe, still dulling, still well, depressing. A marked change from my normal state of being which is interested in everything, very vocal, ideas coming out by the dozens. This depressed way of being is boring and sad and sort of useless.

I am still cooking dinner, still going to Zumba and it is still FUN! Thank goodness for small favors. In fact, if Zumba stops being fun, call the EMT’s haha.

Just wanted to write about what it feels like to be in a depression, for people who might be in one or families of people who might be in a depression.

It isn’t fun. Although luckily, at this stage, it isn’t too painful. I am going to see my doctor on Friday. Let’s see if he has any magic tricks in his little black bag. I hope so, because I don’t want this thing to get more severe and out of control. That’s a funny thing about me, I don’t like suffering more than I have to.

I started Bipolar1Blog on August 2nd, 2014 and today I have 3011 views of my blog posts! Thrilled and floored!

http://bluebrain.epfl.ch/cms/lang/en/pid/56882

From: http://news.discovery.com/tech/gear-and-gadgets/zap-your-brain-to-change-your-mood-150113.htm?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=DNewsSocial

I had my brain zapped to change my mood, and I lived to tell the tale. At a private demo with Thync at CES 2015, I experienced a futuristic electroshock therapy aimed at making me feel better.

It involved sitting with a small module attached to my forehead for 15 minutes while electric currents passed through my nerves to my brain.

Since the product is still being finalized, Thync declined to let us photograph the prototype module nor describe its shape, offering only screenshots of its app.

I arrived at the suite feeling emotionally distressed by personal matters (mostly my annoying boyfriend) and stressed out about the amount of work on my plate. As a Thync executive explained what the wearable really does, I was immediately keen to see if it could truly take my mind off my woes.

A rep stuck the modules onto my head and neck and started a 15-minute Calm session (I picked Calm, but Energy is an option).

As the program started, dots on the controlling smartphone app started to fill up while the nodes pulsed. I felt a prickling sensation as the current passed through my skin. The reps told me to keep increasing the intensity of the current to the point where it’s just barely uncomfortable, using the app. They also instructed me to adjust the current as soon as I got used to a level of intensity. We’re curious what the voltage of the max dosage might be.

After 10 minutes of sitting around watching the dots on the screen fill up, I started to feel relaxed and almost drowsy. How much that has to do with finally getting a chance to sit and catch my breath rather than the effects of Thync is hard to tell, but I definitely felt less bothered. The angry butterflies in my stomach seemed to fall asleep, and I could barely muster the wherewithal to recall what had upset me in the first place.

Thync told me the effects of the session would last about a half hour after the session ended. Sure enough, even the sight of an immensely long taxi line after I left the suite did not bother me at all. It was only 20 minutes after the session, when a couple in front of me got too affectionate, that I felt the stirrings of annoyance.

Again, it’s difficult to determine how effective Thync was, given the possibility that testers (myself included) could have been experiencing placebo effects. Also, I could have become more relaxed just by sitting in a comfortable, quiet suite for a full 15 minutes — a luxury most CES reporters don’t have.

The company is working with the FDA to make sure its device is safe for general consumption, but was quick to assure me that the device was in no way harmful or invasive. That definitely has yet to be seen.

If it is deemed safe, I could definitely see myself using Thync before I go to bed to ease me into a peaceful night’s slumber. We’ll have to wait till later in the year to finally see a consumer-ready version and more details of the device.

From: Power of Positivity at http://www.powerofpositivity.com/3-mantras-help-regain-self-confidence/

3 Mantras to Help You Regain Self-Confidence:

1) “My time is too valuable to waste it worrying about the things I have no control over.”
This mantra came about because, obviously, because I was having obsessive thoughts about things I had no control over. Worrying about these things wasn’t going to change the outcome. All it was doing was robbing me of my sanity and peace of mind in the moment. As soon as I decided that my time was valuable and needed to be respected and used in a more productive way, my thoughts changed and this mantra came into my mind.
Every time I started stressing out, worrying and thinking about scenarios that I had no control over, I would repeat this mantra and almost instantly my peace of mind would start to creep back in and I was able to once again enjoy being alive.

2) “The outer is always a reflection of the inner.”
This is a great Buddhist philosophy and the more I welcome it into my life, the more apparent its truth becomes to me. Whatever is going on around you, whatever you are feeling, whichever situations are angering you or pleasing you, is a reflection of what is going on inside of you. It is not a reflection of the innate state or meaning of that situation. It is a reflection of you. If you are feeling neglected by a friend or a lover, you are probably neglecting yourself. If you are feeling loved by life and the things in your life, you are probably being loving yourself.
Nothing has a particular meaning to you until you decide it does. You could be lacking money and choose to feel sorry for yourself or choose to be grateful for the fact that you are alive and have abundance in other forms. It is not situations that dictate how you feel. It is YOU who dictates how you feel. Every time a situation in my life starts to feel crappy to me, every time I start arguing with someone or feeling rejected by something, I try to remember this and instead of reacting to the situation, I try to explore what it is inside of me that is causing the bad feelings.
After I have done this, I can usually come to a place where I can respond in a way that is productive instead of creating more conflict in my life. It is an incredibly beautiful and empowering thing.

3) “I take nothing personally.”
I would bet that you, like most of us, take a lot of what other people do to you personally. I found that a lot of my peace of mind and confidence was being robbed by the fact that I thought other people’s feelings towards me were a reflection of my own inadequacies. But then something occurred to me: No one on this earth can see further than their own mind. Everything anyone else is doing or feeling in relation to you, whether that means someone is offended by you, rude to you or loving to you, is a reflection of how they are feeling on the inside, but they are not saying something about you.
No matter how perfect you are or how great of a person you are choosing to be, someone is always going to have something crappy to say about you. Now does that mean that you should fully disregard the opinions of every other person on this planet? No. But it does mean that you can understand that most things in life are just that- opinions. They are not right or wrong. They are just a reflection of where someone is at in their life and that doesn’t have to define you in any way. You define you. No one else.

I see grey skies outside

I feel grey within

Why, why, what happened all of a sudden? All the wind’s been taken out of my sails, from under my wings. I don’t know how to be strong again… How, when you are feeling your weakest, do you find the strength inside you to rise up from falling down again? Yet again… taking my medication, seeing my doctor regularly, have a loving family, have great friends, love to exercise, write on my blog, love to take pictures… what more can I do?

Stop. Don’t go there. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Just get up. Pretend everything will be fine and yes, it will be fine! Use your depression fighting muscles, the special ones people with bipolar d/o have. Do some bench presses with those, some squats and lunges. As my cousin said: Kick bipolar’s butt! Even if you do it with tears streaming down your face… You’ve done it before. You’ve used them before, many times, these muscles. They are in shape. Use them again. Just go through the motions and the strength and meaning will come back. It always does! You’ve got this!