The story before the graduation, it looked like there was not going to be anyone to celebrate with! My brother was supposed to arrive at 9:30 am the day of the graduation, they bumped him off his flight from NYC to Buffalo, and he couldn’t get another one. My sister missed her flight from LA to Buffalo due to a traffic jam, and couldn’t get another flight to Buffalo. My niece (the soon to be Cardiologist) was going to drive in from Philadelphia, and something came up so she couldn’t come. A few of my friends could not make it, and I had no idea how many of my son’s friends were coming.

The night before the graduation, my son was going to visit his old friends across the street from our old house and for some reason that triggered so much anxiety in me that I could barely breath. My anxiety told me something AWFUL was going to happen, I could barely breathe, everyone was asleep, it was me alone with my anxiety and panic, me alone against my anxiety and panic. I texted and called my son, but he didn’t answer. I cannot tell you the awful anxious, panicked state I was in… I calmed myself down, I took 125 mg of Seroquel instead of 100 mg. And went to bed, the next morning, I awoke groggy from the Seroquel, took a cold shower, dressed and went to pick up my son, he, of course, was fine! My anxiety does not run the world, has no effect on it whatsoever, just shortens my life, if anything. So off we went to the Center for the Arts at the SUNY Amherst Campus, where the Law School Commencement was held. I even got a few pictures of my son and his girlfriend backstage 🙂

I just put the thought of that awful, horrible anxiety from last night out of my mind, and attacked the day with vigor, elation and pride! My husband cried so much as my son passed us by in the procession to the stage. I thought I was going to cry, but I forgot to cry a lot because I was so busy comforting him, hahaha.

My brother, upon learning that he had no seat on his flight, got in his car at 6:30 am in NYC and made it to Buffalo for the Commencement. My sister arrived in time for the dinner the night of the commencement! My niece texted and talked to all of us from Philly. So it all turned out in the end. It also gave me ammunition against my anxiety and panic attacks, I can refute what my anxiety says, I can refute the catastrophization binge that my anxiety takes me on. Oh lord, please go away anxiety and never darken my door again!

So it was just life, and it all turned out fine, and I have to have faith in the life I, my husband and my son and all my beloved family have built. Yes my… our past has been FULL of tragedy, but that doesn’t mean our present and future has to be, or will be. So take that anxiety!

May 21st was a very happy day indeed! My son is a lawyer! He even got his grades today from this last semester, he got A’s and B’s in all his courses so he really did graduate! With a GPA of 3.5, pretty good for this silly boy, considering he hardly ever went to class, I know, I know, I told him to attend his classes, but… oh well, he graduated. The next thing on the agenda is passing the Bar exam. He starts his Bar preparation course tomorrow. This one he will not be able to miss at all, every second of this one counts, so he’ll be attending all two months of it and taking the bar in July. After that, an extensive job search, he is staying in NY State, but most likely not Buffalo. These are the first free minutes I’ve had for the last three days! We’ve had the Commencement at SUNY Amherst Campus, the dinner the night of at San Marco, the cocktail party the next day at Rue Franklin, the dinner tonight at Trattoria Aroma, lunch at Soupherb. Seems like we came here to eat, but all family gatherings happen while eating great meals! Companion means someone with whom you share bread, so there it is, we broke a lot of bread together. And had a wonderful time! Everyone was so proud of my son and his achievement, it was a happy, happy occasion! My husband and I are the proudest parents you can imagine. It is gratifying that my son is now in possession of a degree that will make it possible for him to have a wonderful career and life. Everyone wished him well, and brought gifts and blessings!

A few pictures are below taken with my cell phone. I took a million pictures with my Nikon camera, but forgot to bring the cord to download them onto my computer, so either I go get another cord or wait to download them till I get back to Louisville…

Being hooded!

How proud we are!!! How incredibly proud we are!!! He’s brilliant and he can do whatever he sets his mind to!! Our son, we are so proud of you and your achievement!!! 🩷❤️🧡💚🩵💙💜💙💜🩵❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥💖💝💘💓💗💞💕♥️❣️😘😍🥰 <!– wp:embed {"url":"https

I’ve been sending HuffPost my old posts from bipolar1blog. The Clint Makarchuk interviews and the “Depression Help” post are both previously posted on bipolar1blog. HuffPost doesn’t care if it’s previously published, so I thought it would be a good idea to send it to them, and possibly get more readers 😊 

A slight problem I encountered is that 4 different websites took my Clint Malarchuk interviews and put them on their website without crediting either me or bipolar1blog. I think I’m going to have to sign these right on the post from now on. 

Thank you for all your support, my dear friends and blog mates. 

Love and hugs to all. 

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9986656

Unseasonably cold here in Louisville, the radiators are on! Spring was here momentarily and it looked like summer was close on its heels, but the mercury has dipped and we’re wearing jackets again. I’ll be going to Buffalo soon for my darling son’s graduation from Law school, a dream come true! But how time has flown, with its wings of gossamer memories, flying, flying, hurrying into the future. Wish I could stop it for just a second, spend time with this son of mine, know he’ll be close and I’ll be close to him. But I’m being silly, of course, no matter where his young life takes him, I will not be far behind. I am so looking forward to his graduation, I’ll be taking lots of tissues and using water proof mascara, haha. I still think I am in my twenties, now he is in his twenties, and I am the age my parents were when I was in my twenties… well this is getting confusing, and I am simply writing to quell this anxiety that has all of a sudden arisen in my breast. So many days of no anxiety had me a bit spoiled, thinking “Hey it’s gone, the anxiety’s gone!” Yes it was gone for a bit, but now it’s back and I have to conquer it all over again. But I will, I’m sure I will. I have done it so many times before. The last time was the beginning of my play, when I thought I couldn’t learn all the lines, couldn’t memorize all the stage directions, but I did, and it became my most favorite play I’ve done to date. So I know I can do it, conquer, wage war against anxiety and win.

Where does it come from, this anxiety? What molecules in my brain, what second messengers in my neurons start the cascade that results in this ubiquitous anxiety?

Exercise! Tomorrow I’ll exercise and the endorphins will take care of it.

There’s nothing specific, just a feeling of unease, feeling ill at ease, about what? I don’t know, no real enemies to battle, nothing finite.

I’ll be fine. I am fine. My son is fine. Wherever he goes, I will be close behind, making sure he settles into his new life, making sure he has everything he needs, making sure a cleaning lady cleans his place once a week, lol.

Well isn’t this weird and sort of inane… just how I’m feeling, emotional, anxious and perhaps a little troubled, about what, what? The future? Time to read “The Power of Now” again. Eckhart always puts things right, in perspective. I’ll give my fingers and your eyes a break now and go read and meditate. And pack, pack for my trip. Oh and I got my hair bobbed again, love it, no anxiety there!