Ok, here I am. Bipolar disorder, past trauma, fear, panic and all. But I am not going to stop living, I am especially not going to live in fear! I am going to go on, make myself better, heal myself, make myself whole. And I am going to live my life as well as I can. The self pity and the drowning in fear is done, I’ve wallowed in it for the last 5 days. It stops now. I go on now to healing, to being brave, I have ALWAYS been braver than brave and I will continue to be so. Even though fear has been my constant companion too, since I was 2 years old; I have lived, married, given birth to a phenomenal son to whom I am a good mother. I will continue to be a good friend to all my friends, and I will not be afraid of demons from my past. I will live my life bravely and to the fullest extent. Nothing will beat me. I will not cower under my bed covers. I will walk out into the sunshine, or the snowstorm, as it may be, and I will live my life.
I have made mistakes, by being afraid and panic stricken, and I know I have wronged some friends. I beg their forgiveness. And I assure everyone that I will never live in fear again. The fear that makes me panicked and act erratically, I will not let it do so anymore.
This is a promise to myself and to all my friends and family. A time comes when you have to stop making excuses for your actions, emotions, even beliefs. A time comes when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and live life thoughtfully and responsibly. Well, happily, that time has come for me now. It is time to grow up, leave the past behind and take responsibility for my own life and make my life with my very own hands. Period.