If by Rudyard Kipling

pink lily
This is one of my all time favorite poems, perhaps the most favorite. There is so much strength, resolve, determination, understanding and optimism in it. I cry every time I read it, yet love it all the more after each reading. For my readers, friends and family.
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If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Abandonment

There is a well adjusted, normal child. He is sitting at his desk, coloring in a book.  This child’s mother says “I’m going to the store and I’m in a hurry so this time you can’t come.” He says “Fine” and goes back to coloring.

There is another child. Her mother is also going to the store and says to her “I’m going to the store, this time you can’t come, I’m going to be going to a work party after.” The child gets alarmed, and says “Please can I come?” Mom says no. The child is now upset, and tells her mom that she’ll be really good if her mom takes her. Mom still says no. The child is now agitated and upset and runs over to her mom and begs to be take to the store. Then she wraps herself around her mother’s leg and will not let her mother leave. This is an abandoned child.

How do you heal the abandoned child? How do you heal the hurt, the fear, the terror of abandonment?

Well I did a search on “How to heal abandonment issues?” and here is the link to the search: https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20to%20heal%20abandonment%20issuesand I got many articles, a few look very interesting like two below: 1) https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-many-faces-addiction/201006/understanding-the-pain-abandonment  2) http://www.outerchild.net/book/export/html/5 and

Of course I will be going to my therapist and talking to her about all this as soon as I get back to Louisville.

I will blog about the process. Stay tuned. Same Bat Channel, same Bat time.

IMG_1084And Zumba helps inordinately

Bipolar1Blog on weRNsane.com!

The ladies at weRNsane.com put this in their blog about my blog! So amazing! Thank you Alex and Dalia, I appreciate the endorsement very much. You also have a fan of your blog in me!

http://wernsane.com/bipolar1blog/#comment-9

Living with a chronic condition can be a challenge. Living with a persistent and severe mental illness is more than a challenge, it can consume one’s whole life.

One of the things that helps one cope with a persistent mental illness is connecting with others who are struggling with similar issues. Talking about the illness and its issues, normalizing them and finding communal solutions and coping mechanisms can ease the burden of being ill, and give the caregiver new hope.

The problem with mental illness is that these is such a stigma few people are comfortable being completely open about what they are going through. Perhaps in small sessions behind closed doors, but seldom out in the open, unless you are a hollywood celebrity of course, where money buffers societal prejudice. See my blog article called “Prejudice” for a classic misconception about bipolar and those that struggle with this diagnosis.

Samina

 

It takes a special type of person to reach out and open up about her struggles with mental illness, it takes bravery and a willingness to be transparent despite the possible cost.

Bipolar1Blog https://bipolar1blog.wordpress.com/ is written by Samina, who carries a biopolar I diagnosis. Her blog is open and honest, and a very real look into the life of an intelligent (and functional) person living with a chronic mental illness. It’s not always easy, it’s not always pretty – although it can be beautiful life. This blog is an honest look at being bipolar, spanning the highs and the lows and life in between.

 

I recommend it highly https://bipolar1blog.wordpress.com/

 

Blessings,

Alex

http://wernsane.com/ Check it out!

http://wernsane.com/  weRNsane Deconstructing the brain with humor and insight

Alex and Dalia found my blog and asked me to say something about theirs. I am so flattered! They are two Registered nurses or RNs hence the name, and they have started this blog about, as they so aptly put it on their blog: “How we think and reason in sickness and in health is important to how we function in life. Here we explore topics in psychiatry, psychology and just practical everyday stuff. We are two nurses both working with the brain. This is our voice, reaching out to connect with others.”

Please have a look at their blog, it is very well done, and instructional and deals with brain issues, illnesses, and even self esteem and weight loss. And this post called “(Don’t) PANIC!!! which hits home for me with all my latest.. ugh… feelings and posts  :-/  It’s a great post, with many techniques to deal with panic! Oy vey, where were thou 5 days ago!

Anyway, check it out!

 

 

 

Time to grow up and take responsibility for myself!

Ok, here I am. Bipolar disorder, past trauma, fear, panic and all. But I am not going to stop living, I am especially not going to live in fear! I am going to go on, make myself better, heal myself, make myself whole. And I am going to live my life as well as I can. The self pity and the drowning in fear is done, I’ve wallowed in it for the last 5 days. It stops now. I go on now to healing, to being brave, I have ALWAYS been braver than brave and I will continue to be so. Even though fear has been my constant companion too, since I was 2 years old; I have lived, married, given birth to a phenomenal son to whom I am a good mother. I will continue to be a good friend to all my friends, and I will not be afraid of demons from my past. I will live my life bravely and to the fullest extent. Nothing will beat me. I will not cower under my bed covers. I will walk out into the sunshine, or the snowstorm, as it may be, and I will live my life.

I have made mistakes, by being afraid and panic stricken, and I know I have wronged some friends. I beg their forgiveness. And I assure everyone that I will never live in fear again. The fear that makes me panicked and act erratically, I will not let it do so anymore.

This is a promise to myself and to all my friends and family. A time comes when you have to stop making excuses for your actions, emotions, even beliefs. A time comes when you have to take responsibility for your own actions and live life thoughtfully and responsibly. Well, happily, that time has come for me now. It is time to grow up, leave the past behind and take responsibility for my own life and make my life with my very own hands. Period.

 

Delivering genes across the blood-brain barrier

neuronsResearchers, using high throughput AAV (Adeno Associated Virus) have been able to inject specific sequences into the brain, across the blood brain barrier! This will allow genes to be introduced into the brain and treat diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Huntington’s. This is a remarkable feat. The blood brain barrier is a blockade of tightly packed cells that does not allow pathogens or harmful chemicals circulating in the blood to enter the spinal cord or brain. However, this also makes it difficult to impossible to get many drugs or other molecules to be delivered to the central Nervous System (CNS). So this new technique is amazing, in that genes can be delivered to the CNS in viral vectors, genes that can be translated into proteins such as drugs, antibodies, enzymes, or a large variety of other proteins and molecules for treating CNS illnesses. So the possibility also exists to treat mental illnesses, which are after all diseases of the brain. Very exciting!

http://www.neuroscientistnews.com/research-news/delivering-genes-across-blood-brain-barrier

Caltech biologists have developed a vector capable of noninvasive delivery of genetic cargo throughout the adult central nervous system –

Caltech biologists have modified a harmless virus in such a way that it can successfully enter the adult mouse brain through the bloodstream and deliver genes to cells of the nervous system. The virus could help researchers map the intricacies of the brain and holds promise for the delivery of novel therapeutics to address diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Huntington’s. In addition, the screening approach the researchers developed to identify the virus could be used to make additional vectors capable of targeting cells in other organs.

“By figuring out a way to get genes across the blood-brain barrier, we are able to deliver them throughout the adult brain with high efficiency,” says Ben Deverman, a senior research scientist at Caltech and lead author of a paper describing the work in the journal Nature Biotechnology.

The blood-brain barrier allows the body to keep pathogens and potentially harmful chemicals circulating in the blood from entering the brain and spinal cord. The semi-permeable blockade, composed of tightly packed cells, is crucial for maintaining a controlled environment to allow the central nervous system to function properly. However, the barrier also makes it nearly impossible for many drugs and other molecules to be delivered to the brain via the bloodstream.

To sneak genes past the blood-brain barrier, the Caltech researchers used a new variant of a small, harmless virus called an adeno-associated virus (AAV). Over the past two decades, researchers have used various AAVs as vehicles to transport specific genes into the nuclei of cells; once there, the genes can be expressed, or translated, from DNA into proteins. In some applications, the AAVs carry functional copies of genes to replace mutated forms present in individuals with genetic diseases. In other applications, they are used to deliver genes that provide instructions for generating molecules such as antibodies or fluorescent proteins that help researchers study, identify, and track certain cells.

Largely because of the blood-brain barrier problem, scientists have had only limited success delivering AAVs and their genetic cargo to the central nervous system. In general, they have relied on surgical injections, which deliver high concentrations of the virus at the injection site but little to the outlying areas. Such injections are also quite invasive. “One has to drill a hole through skull, then pierce tissue with a needle to the injection site,” explains Viviana Gradinaru (BS ’05), assistant professor of biology and biological engineering at Caltech and senior author on the paper. “The deeper the injection, the higher the risk of hemorrhage. With systemic injection, using the bloodstream, none of that damage happens, and the delivery is more uniform.”

In addition, Gradinaru notes, “many disorders are not tightly localized. Neurodegenerative disorders like Huntington’s disease affect very large brain areas. Also, many complex behaviors are mediated by distributed interacting networks. Our ability to target those networks is key in terms of our efforts to understand what those pathways are doing and how to improve them when they are not working well.”

In 2009, a group led by Brian Kaspar of Ohio State University published a paper, also in Nature Biotechnology, showing that an AAV strain called AAV9 injected into the bloodstream could make its way into the brain–but it was only efficient when used in neonatal, or infant, mice.

“The big challenge was how do we achieve the same efficiency in an adult,” says Gradinaru.

Although one might like to design an AAV that is up to the task, the number of variables that dictate the behavior of any given virus, as well as the intricacies of the brain and its barrier, make that extremely challenging. Instead, the researchers developed a high-throughput selection assay, CREATE (Cre REcombinase-based AAV Targeted Evolution), that allowed them to test millions of viruses in vivo simultaneously and to identify those that were best at entering the brain and delivering genes to a specific class of brain cells, astrocytes.

They started with the AAV9 virus and modified a gene fragment that codes for a small loop on the surface of the capsid—the protein shell of the virus that envelops all of the virus’ genetic material. Using a common amplification technique, known as polymerase chain reaction (PCR), they created millions of viral variants. Each variant carried within it the genetic instructions to produce more capsids like itself.

Then they used their novel selection process to determine which variants most effectively delivered genes to astrocytes in the brain. Importantly, the new process relies on strategically positioning the gene encoding the capsid variants on the DNA strand between two short sequences of DNA, known as lox sites. These sites are recognized by an enzyme called Cre recombinase, which binds to them and inverts the genetic sequence between them. By injecting the modified viruses into transgenic mice that only express Cre recombinase in astrocytes, the researchers knew that any sequences flagged by the lox site inversion had successfully transferred their genetic cargo to the target cell type—here, astrocytes.

After one week, the researchers isolated DNA from brain and spinal cord tissue, and amplified the flagged sequences, thereby recovering only the variants that had entered astrocytes.

Next, they took those sequences and inserted them back into the modified viral genome to create a new library that could be injected into the same type of transgenic mice. After only two such rounds of injection and amplification, a handful of variants emerged as those that were best at crossing the blood-brain barrier and entering astrocytes.

“We went from millions of viruses to a handful of testable, potentially useful hits that we could go through systematically and see which ones emerged with desirable properties,” says Gradinaru.

Through this selection process, the researchers identified a variant dubbed AAV-PHP.B as a top performer. They gave the virus its acronym in honor of the late Caltech biologist Paul H. Patterson because Deverman began this work in Patterson’s group. “Paul had a commitment to understanding brain disorders, and he saw the value in pushing tool development,” says Gradinaru, who also worked in Patterson’s lab as an undergraduate student.

To test AAV-PHP.B, the researchers used it to deliver a gene that codes for a protein that glows green, making it easy to visualize which cells were expressing it. They injected the AAV-PHP.B or AAV9 (as a control) into different adult mice and after three weeks used the amount of green fluorescence to assess the efficacy with which the viruses entered the brain, the spinal cord, and the retina.

“We could see that AAV-PHP.B was expressed throughout the adult central nervous system with high efficiency in most cell types,” says Gradinaru. Indeed, compared to AAV9, AAV-PHP.B delivers genes to the brain and spinal cord at least 40 times more efficiently.

“What provides most of AAV-PHP.B’s benefit is its increased ability to get through the vasculature into the brain,” says Deverman. “Once there, many AAVs, including AAV9 are quite good at delivering genes to neurons and glia.”

Gradinaru notes that since AAV-PHP.B is delivered through the bloodstream, it reaches other parts of the body. “Although in this study we were focused on the brain, we were also able to use whole-body tissue clearing to look at its biodistribution throughout the body,” she says.

Whole-body tissue clearing by PARS CLARITY, a technique developed previously in the Gradinaru lab to make normally opaque mammalian tissues transparent, allows organs to be examined without the laborious task of making thin slide-mounted sections. Thus, tissue clearing allows researchers to more quickly screen the viral vectors for those that best target the cells and organs of interest.

“In this case, the priority was to express the gene in the brain, but we can see by using whole-body clearing that you can actually have expression in many other organs and even in the peripheral nerves,” explains Gradinaru. “By making tissues transparent and looking through them, we can obtain more information about these viruses and identify targets that we might overlook otherwise.”

The biologists conducted follow-up studies up to a year after the initial injections and found that the protein continued to be expressed efficiently. Such long-term expression is important for gene therapy studies in humans.

In collaboration with colleagues from Stanford University, Deverman and Gradinaru also showed that AAV-PHP.B is better than AAV9 at delivering genes to human neurons and glia.

The researchers hope to begin testing AAV-PHP.B’s ability to deliver potentially therapeutic genes in disease models. They are also working to further evolve the virus to make even better performing variants and to produce variants that target certain cell types with more specificity.

Deverman says that the CREATE system could indeed be applied to develop AAVs capable of delivering genes specifically to many different cell types. “There are hundreds of different Cre transgenic lines available,” he says. “Researchers have put Cre recombinase under the control of gene regulatory elements so that it is only made in certain cell types. That means that regardless of whether your objective is to target liver cells or a particular type of neuron, you can almost always find a mouse that has Cre recombinase expressed in those cells.”

“The CREATE system gave us a good hit early on, but we are excited about the future potential of using this approach to generate viruses that have very good cell-type specificity in different organisms, especially the less genetically tractable ones,” says Gradinaru. “This is just the first step. We can take these tools and concepts in many exciting directions to further enhance this work, and we—with the Beckman Institute and collaborators—are ready to pursue those possibilities.”

The Beckman Institute at Caltech recently opened a resource center called CLOVER (CLARITY, Optogenetics, and Vector Engineering Research Center) to support such research efforts involving tissue clearing and imaging, optogenetic studies, and custom gene-delivery vehicle development. Deverman is the center’s director, and Gradinaru is the principal investigator.

 

A Question

  A question for my readers: Do you think it is possible for us to heal from trauma and change the way our brains and minds function and live peaceful, normal lives?

Please do me a favor and let me know what you think. 

Thank you and hugs. 

A walk in Delaware Park

This was lovely, a walk in Delaware Park, an urban green space in Buffalo, designed by Frederick Law Olmstead. I had such a lovely time there with my friend Deb. Thank god for green spaces, clouds, bisons and best friends!

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Feeling…

CloudsLeoFeeling awful. Tired to the bone. Black swirls of abandonment, rejection, hot, red knots of fear in my belly, the “I am not good enough” refrain singing in my ears, all in all a pretty bad start to my day. How’s yours going? But something amazing happened. Just looked out the window, and saw my beautiful Buffalo clouds and a smile appeared on my face. Not the great Great Lakes clouds, but still beautiful cloud formations. Beauty, it does help and my Leo, sitting in front of the window, very intensely observing everything.

My son came back from hockey this morning full of excited stories about a man there who coached him and taught him how to play better. Now he’s gone off to lift weights, young and energetic! May he always be so. I had my coffee, going to take a shower, and meet my friend Deb for lunch. I must admit that at least just in this moment, in this one little moment, life is good.

My suffering is wholly from my past.

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I learnt a new breathing exercise for the times when it feels a literal elephant is stepping on your chest and your eyes are faucets on the full on position. This emotion has nothing to do with anything that is going on in the present. It is a gift of the past, it has been stored in my heart, in my brain, and now has unwrapped itself. The unwrapping may have been catalyzed by some events in the present, perhaps by some similarities my brain noticed in the present to the past. But the emotions belong wholly to the past, the abandoned little girl, with a broken heart, an abused little girl, with the broken body. These are the gifts my past has bestowed upon me. I have unwrapped the box and now must learn to dispose of them. That is what the therapy, breathing exercises, Heart Math, (and more yet to be discovered techniques from the internet,) with all these techniques and my will to dispose of this unwanted gift, this curse, these drama queen emotions, my will to mend this broken heart, mind, and body, I hope I will succeed.

I blame nothing and no one in the present for this suffering, I know full well, this is all from my past. For some reason, the pain came fully into my conscious mind at this moment in time.

The Breathing Exercise:

Put your tongue behind your upper teeth and exhale with a whoosh sound.

Inhale to a count of 4

Hold your breath for a count of 7

Exhale with a whoosh to a count of 8

Repeat 3 more time. Keep the tongue behind upper teeth.